海角大神

There is a mafia in Oslo.

Members of the clan are fearless and prefer to do their work in broad daylight. They鈥檙e easy to spot, often travel in packs and can be aggressive when on the streets, yet no one dare respond to an 鈥渋nadvertent鈥� bump with anything but an apology. These mafia operatives don鈥檛 use traditional weapons but are harshly trained through methods of sleep deprivation and are not to be crossed.

They鈥檙e called the听barnevognmafia.

Translated literally: child wagon mafia. The 鈥渙peratives鈥� I鈥檓 referring to are parents, mostly mothers enjoying their nearly year-long, fully paid maternity leave. I am a proud member of this clan.

Barnevogn听is Norwegian for stroller and the ones here need a big name like that because they are听别苍辞谤尘辞耻蝉. Hefty tires for the snow, big seats with bulky canopies to keep kids warm in sub-zero temperatures, and they morph into mini-beds for their sleeping cargo. Mothers walk with an assumed ownership of the footpaths in Oslo because it鈥檚 the only way anyone will let you through with a hulking stroller that takes up half the sidewalk.

And yes, these super-colossal kid carriers work as weapons too 鈥� one quick turn and we鈥檒l skin your shins with the front spoke of the stroller.

Our fashion of organized crime is to clog cafes with our baby bags and 鈥渃hild wagons.鈥� Our kids whimper, whine and scream while we gab on with our fellow operatives because, like Sicilian mafiosi听 desensitized to violence, we can tune out our crying children. There鈥檚 always something wrong and we might as well talk a little louder and find out who is up to what.

We also part-take in another activity that makes onlookers, particularly of the male variety, uncomfortable. But hey, when a baby is hungry he鈥檚 hungry so nursing while sipping a latte at United Bakeries is part of the deal. It鈥檚 a useful method of (comical) intimidation that comes in handy if someone rolls their eyes when they see a mother stroll into a public space with a noise-polluting baby.

The听barnevognmafia听isn鈥檛 a real organization in Oslo but the existence of the term in the zeitgeist reflects the camaraderie that forms among parents. There is an inherent understanding of the trials of early parenthood: sleepless nights, tantrums, potty training鈥�

The power parents have in Norway is what makes this place perfect for me at this time in my life. The amount of help the government provides young families has effectively set high social expectations for the community to do their part.

If a driver sees someone with a pram about to cross the street they come to a halting stop as if royalty is being carried through. Public transportation was built with oversized strollers听in mind and locals are always on standby to help, whether it鈥檚 lifting it onto the tram or holding open a door. I鈥檝e never been able to thank anyone because they run off before you even realize that you鈥檝e been helped.

You can take your kids anywhere here and not only are they welcomed, but restaurants and museums have thought about how best to adapt to what kids need. I think this star treatment of young families is well deserved. Parenthood, while rewarding, is challenging and if society can do anything to help, it should.

And if you don鈥檛 agree: watch out. The听barnevognmafia听is everywhere and a clan member could unleash a screaming toddler during your romantic dinner just for the fun of it.

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