海角大神

Here鈥檚 another shot in the debate over 鈥渁ttachment parenting," the newly popular style of American mothering (and yes, it almost always refers to moms) that includes 鈥渁lways-on鈥� mommy behavior such as baby wearing, extended breastfeeding, and co-sleeping.

A study published recently in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that mothers who subscribe to this sort of intensive style of parenting 鈥� moms who feel, for instance, that they are the essential caregiver for their child, or that mothering should be child-centered with a constant stream of intellectually stimulating activities for the kid 鈥� tend to have more stress and lower levels of life satisfaction than other parents.

In the new study, researchers from the Psychology department at the University of Mary Washington 鈥� Kathryn Rizzo, Holly Schiffrin, and Miriam Liss 鈥� evaluated online surveys by 181 mothers with children under 5 years old. Their goal was to gain more insight into what has become known as the 鈥淧arenting Paradox.鈥�

The Parenting Paradox is the discrepancy that鈥檚 been found in a number of studies between people鈥檚 idealized perception of parenthood (that it is one the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences in life) and the negative mental health outcomes often associated with parenthood. (More stress, less happiness, more fatigue, that nagging and constant desire to sleep past 6 a.m. for one day, just one day, please.)

The Mary Washington researchers noted, though, that there is quite a lot of debate about this paradox. While some studies have linked parenthood with these lowered levels of happiness, higher stress levels, and so forth, others have found no link between parenthood and psychological well-being. (These latter studies find that parenting is a tradeoff. As in, sure, the morning wake-ups are a drag, but then there鈥檚 that beautiful, smiling baby cooing in the crib. Let鈥檚 call it a wash.)

Perhaps, the researchers theorized, it was the style of parenting that led to the paradox, not the fact of parenting itself.

So they asked moms a series of questions to identify those who have embraced 鈥渋ntensive鈥� mothering. Moms rated how strongly they agreed with statements such as: 鈥淎lthough fathers may mean well, they generally are not as good at parenting as mothers.鈥澛� Or: 鈥淔inding the best educational opportunities for children is important as early as preschool.鈥澛� And: 鈥淚t is harder to be a good mother than to be a corporate executive.鈥澛� (For those who think Marissa Meyer doesn鈥檛 know what she has coming.)

The researchers controlled for family support, which they expected would have a significant impact on mom鈥檚 perceived happiness. Then they broke down the other findings.聽 And it turned out that some key indicators of what they described as intense parenting had strong correlations with lower mental health markers for mom.

Women who believed that mothers were the most capable parent, for instance, had significantly higher levels of stress and life satisfaction. (Researchers theorized that these moms might be less likely to accept help with child rearing 鈥� even from dad.) Those who believed that parenting is challenging also seemed to suffer 鈥� they had higher levels of depression and stress, as well as lower life satisfaction.

鈥淏elieving that parenting is demanding appears to be particularly toxic for women,鈥� the researchers wrote. 鈥淚t may be that if women are supposed to be inherently natural parents (i.e., Essentialism), then viewing it as difficult and exhausting is particularly bad for women鈥檚 mental health.鈥�
And women who believed that parents鈥� lives should revolve around their children (this was measured by answers to child-centered questions in the survey) had lower levels of life satisfaction.聽

Yowsers.

鈥淚f intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?鈥� the researchers asked. 鈥淭hey may think it makes them better mothers ... so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children鈥檚 cognitive and socio-economic outcomes.鈥�

But there needs to be more research, the scholars wrote, to see whether this sort of parenting does, actually, benefit kids.聽

鈥淚ntensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend,鈥� they wrote.

Something to chew on during the baby's next teachable moment.