海角大神

It seems only yesterday that the helpful folks at Amazon.com were telling me, via my e-mail inbox, What Moms Really Want for Mother鈥檚 Day. Helpful items, these were, such as vacuum cleaners, sewing machines, cake decorating tools and even a breast pump.聽

(At the time, I tried to point out to dads that, really, for the sake of their marriages, they should not follow Amazon鈥檚 advice.)

But time passes quickly. It is June. Almost Father鈥檚 Day. Which means that there is new information out there about parental desires 鈥� this time, dad's.聽 And here鈥檚 what I鈥檝e been learning, from Amazon and the other five billion junk e-mails I get daily:

Dads, it turns out, Really Want electric shavers.聽 Because, you know, dudes love getting personal grooming items as gifts.

But they also want digital cameras and new clothes and watches and even the Rosetta Stone language CDs. Items that are educational, outward-focused and enjoyable to the recipient.聽聽

A bit different than the Mom鈥檚 Day collection, I鈥檒l say.

(C鈥檓on Amazon, you鈥檝e got to have some women鈥檚 studies majors working for you somewhere. Does it have to be like this?)

The suggestions do not end there. Which is fortunate for those of us who are still searching for the perfect gift and think Rosetta Stone is a bit out of our price range.

According to the online marketer, you can 鈥淒elight Dad with a Gift That Shows You Know Him Well.鈥�

础飞别蝉辞尘别.听

I followed the link, of course.聽 And then I was confronted by a choice:

Is Husband 鈥淒IY Dad鈥� (who wants a drill), 鈥淒apper Dad鈥� (a tie), 鈥淢edia Mogul鈥� (some sort of tablet device), 鈥淕adget Dad鈥� (I don鈥檛 even know what was in the picture), 鈥淪porty Dad鈥� (golf clubs), or 鈥淭he Hobbiest鈥� (another digital camera)?

I searched mightily for 鈥淭ired Dad,鈥� or 鈥淥verwhelmed Dad of a Toddler,鈥� or even just 鈥淪weet Dad Whose Family Loves Him,鈥� but alas, they were not options.聽 No, apparently the nation鈥檚 70 million fathers (24.7 million of which are part of married-couple households with children under 18, according to the US Census Bureau) fit into six nice categories.

So once again, I have ended up stuck.

And, to be honest, a bit annoyed at the commercial hype that surrounds what should be holidays that celebrate life鈥檚 sweetest relationships.

Because while I can readily admit there are a number of more important things to grump about today (Syria? Wildfires? The economy?) it seems a bit of a bummer that with Mother鈥檚 Day and Father鈥檚 Day comes a barrage of advertising that not only reinforces all sorts of gender stereotypes, but teaches us that the best way to honor our parents, husbands, wives, whomever, is with stuff. And not just stuff, but the stuff 鈥渆veryone鈥� wants.

So I鈥檓 still looking for a good father鈥檚 day gift.聽

If anyone finds out that Amazon is selling naps, let me know.