海角大神

Our 聽beloved nanny who worked for us for five years 鈥� Joan 鈥� recently called to say she鈥檚 on the job market again. She鈥檚 been working for the family after ours for the past decade, and they鈥檙e helping out in her job search, of course, but could we help, too?

With pleasure! I put a notice on a local parenting website: 鈥淥ur extremely kind, smart, warm, funny, organized nanny seeks new full-time job.鈥� I got a call from a woman who had been tasked by her pregnant daughter-in-law to help out in the nanny search.

Great! I told her how I鈥檇 met Joan when I was home on maternity leave and hanging out at the same playground where she took the kids she was babysitting at the time. We became friendly, and I dearly wished she could be my kids鈥� nanny 鈥� that鈥檚 how much I liked her. Then, lo and behold, the family she was working for moved away, just as I was getting ready to go back to work. Such serendipity! Joan came to work for us, and I got to be a happy, non-stressed mom going back to my job, because I felt my kids were in such capable hands.

The lady on the phone was listening to all this but finally interrupted: 鈥淪o you say she hasn鈥檛 worked for you for 10 years?鈥�

That鈥檚 right.

鈥淲ell, then she hasn鈥檛 worked with a baby in that long?鈥�

No, I explained. The 鈥渘ew鈥� family she went to work for eventually had three kids. The youngest is 4 or 5, so she worked with a baby about three or four years ago.

鈥淚鈥檓 sorry,鈥� said the caller. 鈥淭his isn鈥檛 going to work. My daughter-in-law wants me to find someone with recent baby experience.鈥�

鈥淲ell, four years is kind of recent, isn鈥檛 it?鈥� I swallowed and tried not to let my voice go shrill. 鈥淚 guess I should have mentioned that Joan didn鈥檛 only help raise聽尘测听kids, she鈥檚 raised four of her own. The youngest is in college now. So it鈥檚 not as if babies are something new to鈥撯��

The woman apologized again: 鈥淚 see what you鈥檙e saying. Believe me, I understand. But my daughter-in-law made me promise to find someone who is up on the latest baby information. You know, so much has changed in just the past few years. She wants a person who鈥檚 up-to-date on all the new things. This is such a crucial time for the baby鈥檚 development.鈥�

New things?

If there鈥檚 a spanking new version of the Diaper Genie or the car seat (and I鈥檒l bet there is), I鈥檓 sure Joan could master it. But is there really a 鈥渘ew鈥� way to raise a baby? Has human evolution taken a sharp turn in the past 36 months? Do nannies and parents really have to be up on the latest studies, products,聽programs, manias and mantras to do their job 鈥渞ight"? Does that mean anyone who raised her kids before 2012 did it wrong?

The grandma couldn鈥檛 hold out anymore. 鈥淚 completely agree! But there鈥檚 no way I can tell her this. I promised I鈥檇 look for someone with recent baby experience, and I have to shut my mouth.鈥�

That I understood. It is hard for anyone (especially a mother-in-law) to tell a new parent anything that isn鈥檛 in the latest book or magazine. And it is hard for a parenting magazine not to endorse all the new products and programs that grace (and pay for) its pages. And it鈥檚 hard for the media not to flog some new, surprising study as the most important stop-whatever-you-were-doing-before thing to do for your kids.

But the latest, greatest thing to do for your kids is also the oldest and boldest: Trust yourself; trust your kid. Babies do not need everything to be perfect. And besides, whatever is 鈥減erfect鈥� today may be denounced tomorrow. (Remember when we were supposed to use trans fat-filled margarine instead of butter?)

Thank goodness that our kids are far more resilient 鈥� and brilliant 鈥� than pop culture tells us they are. Believe it or not, they don鈥檛 even need a black-white-and-red heartbeat-playing mobile above the non-drop-side crib.

The grandma apologized again, and we said our goodbyes. Off she went to find the 鈥減erfect鈥� nanny. And even though that means Joan is back on the market, it also means she dodged a bully. Er, bullet.

海角大神 has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs.聽Lenore Skenazy聽blogs at聽