海角大神

I鈥檝e never met a parent who likes 鈥� no, is even OK with 鈥� whining. For me it was like nails on a blackboard. Many parents don鈥檛 know of another torture that would be worse.

Whining is as developmental and normal in a toddler鈥檚 life as discovering the pleasure of saying 鈥渘o." Don鈥檛 think about teaching your child not to do it. Do think about ways you can help yourself deal with it calmly and perhaps shorten it鈥檚 duration. Here are a few:

Don鈥檛 call it whining. It鈥檚 very hard to talk to your child about whining without being critical and blaming. 鈥淪top whining.鈥� 鈥淚 can鈥檛 hear you when you鈥檙e whining.鈥� These proclamations will not get you what you want. It may only make it worse.

Make a compassionate association when you hear it. Can you instead think about how frustrated your child is feeling 鈥� even if it鈥檚 over something you won鈥檛 allow. I once heard Aletha Salter say that whining is stuck crying. A child who whines is actually trying hard not to cry so the cry gets stuck. Sometimes validation of the frustration will bring on the crying which eliminates the whine 鈥� for now.

Don鈥檛 try to teach anything during the whining. As soon as the whining is past and you hear your child鈥檚 鈥渘ormal鈥� voice, name it. 鈥淭here鈥檚 the Sarah voice. What shall we name the voice you use when you feel really frustrated?鈥� Let your child name it. Then when you hear the whine, you can say, 鈥淚 hear the 鈥樷��-鈥� voice. Do you need to use that or can you use the Sarah voice?鈥� You might name a couple of different voices you use as well.

Give the connection that is really needed. If you don鈥檛 think you have to teach your child to stop whining, when you hear it, get down to your child鈥檚 level and validate the frustration. 鈥淵ou really wish I could do what you want. I know I would want that too if I were you. Will you take a hug for now?鈥�

Pay attention to the times your child doesn鈥檛 whine. It鈥檚 so easy to focus on the tones you hate to hear, but how often do you acknowledge the times your child does a good job coping. Whenever your child doesn鈥檛 whine when she asks for what she wants, notice it. 鈥淵ou really know how to ask for what you want. I like that.鈥�

Know that this, too, will pass 鈥� even though it may seem like an eternity.

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