海角大神

My colleague KJ Dell鈥橝ntonia, editor of The New York Times parenting blog聽Motherlode, pointed out in a recent post that there are 940 Saturdays between the time your child is born and the time she turns 18. KJ鈥檚 calculation comes from Harley Rotbart, a parent, a pediatrician and author of a wise book called聽

The days of early parenthood are long and chaotic and exhausting. Sometimes those days lead into nights that are puzzling or downright scary. I still remember the times when Anna or Adam鈥檚 cries broke through the scrim of night or light sleep. Ken and I felt helpless as we asked each other the same question over and over: What do you think is wrong with her?

鈥淚 don鈥檛 know,鈥� the other would say. 鈥淲hat do you think is wrong with her?鈥�

There鈥檚 an old chestnut that says the very definition of insanity is repeatedly asking the same question, but expecting a different answer. The truth is there was no answer. We never found out why our babies cried. We never understood why Adam鈥檚 colic descended like the darkest cloud and then lifted just as suddenly five months 鈥� yes, five months 鈥� later.

As the mother of an almost 18- year-old who has an exact date for when she starts her first year of college, I鈥檝e put aside Dr. Rotbart鈥檚 calculations. I simply pretend that time is still on my side.

But then the finite amount of time I have with my children took center stage last week when I heard my rabbi, Michelle Robinson, sermonize about the and parenting. The Omer literally means to count and that鈥檚 what鈥檚 done during the 49-day period between Passover and Shavuot. The Omer originally staked out the time during which wheat was harvested and counted in preparation for a sacrifice at the Temple. Save for the Western Wall, the Temple is long gone. But Talmudic Judaism still observes the Omer by ticking off the days between the holidays.

Counting the Omer was not the only thing on Rabbi Robinson鈥檚 mind when she delivered her sermon. Like KJ, she too had just read 鈥淣o Regrets Parenting.鈥� As the mother of three children, she was deeply impressed with Rotbart鈥檚 approach to mindful parenting and his wisdom that although the days are long with young children, the years are short.

Robinson鈥檚 sermon then pointed me to my friend Aliza Kline鈥檚 recent blog post about Omer. Aliza is the founding executive director of and has been instrumental in bringing the ancient ritual of immersing in the mikveh into the 21st century. She and her family have been on an 鈥渆xtraordinary鈥� sabbatical in Israel this past year, which is coming to an end next month. But instead of counting down the days until she leaves Israel, Aliza is counting up the days just as the Israelites counted up to the day they received the Torah. Aliza astutely writes:

"It鈥檚 an interesting idea to count up. Rather than thinking about all that we have to do before a deadline we can focus on all that we get to do once we鈥檝e reached that momentous day. Counting also provides that helpful reminder to be mindful of each day, to be aware of time passing. To be 'present' regardless of whether the day or hour or minute brings joy or sorrow."

So between now and mid-July, when Anna turns 18, and then four weeks later when she sets foot for the first time on a college campus as a matriculated student, I need to count up. I hope that counting up will help me to distinguish that the milestones of Anna鈥檚 life are not the tombstones of my parenthood. I will try not to think of what I鈥檓 losing, but what I am gaining by sending my girl off to school.

First and foremost, Ken and I are giving our daughter one of life鈥檚 most vital resources 鈥� an education. As my mother used to say, no one can take your education away from you. My mother was all about independence for her daughters. She went back to school for a teaching degree when I was 5 and never looked back. A few years later, after she landed her first full-time job, she opened her own checking account and contributed significantly to her three children鈥檚 college tuitions.

Maybe this next phase of our family life will be as exciting for me as it will certainly be for Anna. After all, I won鈥檛 have to drive the 15-mile round trip to her school when she forgets her soccer cleats. I won鈥檛 have to look at the messiest room in town every day. But I know I鈥檒l get weepy when I see the return of that sloppy wasteland because it means Anna鈥檚 in residence.

I envy KJ, Michelle and Aliza for the hundreds of Saturdays still ahead of them with their kids. As for me, I have 11 Saturdays until Anna turns 18 and 15 Saturdays until she leaves for college.

But who鈥檚 counting?