海角大神

My oldest son, Venti, suffers from a very serious condition. And if any of you have middle school boys (see note at end), they probably have it too. The purpose of this post is not to scare you but to spread awareness. I assure you that it is not simple adolescence. It is called 鈥淲hatever-itis鈥� and is often accompanied by 鈥淚 Forgot-osis鈥� and it can be maddening if you aren鈥檛 careful.

Symptoms include but are not limited to:

• Exaggerated sighing
• Immediate opposition to anything suggested by the parental units
• Excessive eye rolling
• Shrugging his shoulders and/or saying 鈥淲hatever鈥� in response to any/all questions posed from the parents
• Habitually forgets anything/everything in which he is not interested
• Is charming to any/all adults that are not his parents

Examples:

Me: Dude, I asked you to change the trash an hour ago!
聽Venti: I forgooooooot.
聽Me: If I had asked you to text your friend, you would have remembered.
聽Venti: *Rolls eyes* Whatever.

Me: Did you take your shower?
聽Venti: I forgot.
聽Me: Life skill! It鈥檚 a basic life skill!
聽Venti: *shrugs shoulders* Whatever.
聽Me: *Head explodes*

And you know what else? My house always smells like feet! HIS FEET! Which, OMG, reeeeeeeeeek! Hence, the shower convo.

But I digress.

Treatment:
聽Get thee to a spa, ASAP.
聽Hang out in the peaceful tranquilness (totally a word) until they close and make you leave.
聽Have plans to meet a friend for coffee or dinner.
聽Hang out until they close and make you leave.
聽The kid should be in bed by the time you get home.

You鈥檙e welcome.

NOTE: The same may be said about middle school girls, but I wouldn鈥檛 know because of the whole boy thing going on here.

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