海角大神

The much-hyped movie 鈥淏耻濒濒测鈥� opens today and last week I was thinking: I must take my kids to see that. My next thought was: Maybe I shouldn鈥檛 take my kids to see that? This ambivalence comes from knowing it鈥檚 an intense movie 鈥� two of the five stories in the film are about children who killed themselves because of the relentless bullying they received.

鈥淏耻濒濒测鈥� was originally rated R because of profanity, but The Weinstein Company challenged the MPAA over the rating and got it changed to PG-13. Like most parents, I鈥檓 also wondering if 鈥� even as a PG-13 movie 鈥� it will be too disturbing for my two teens. Or is it just the kind of thing they need to see?

Richard Corliss wrote in Time Magazine before the rating changed 鈥溾�� if kids want to see a life-changing film, they should sneak in.鈥� Sean O鈥機onnell, who blogs about movies for the ticketing website Fandango, wrote a review that lobbies for watching this movie with your child and carving out time to talk about it. Much of the media coverage has urged parents not to let their kids see it alone.

And I have to admit, I鈥檓 worried the movie will be too intense for me, too. Mr. O鈥機onnell calls it 鈥渁 horror movie for parents.鈥� In his heartfelt review he writes that he 鈥減repared himself for the worst鈥� and 鈥渟till wasn鈥檛 ready.鈥� It鈥檚 always difficult and disturbing to watch children suffering, and to watch the agony their parents endure. 聽O鈥機onnell tells us that at the end of 鈥淏ully,鈥� Director Lee Hirsch shows footage to the parents of bullied pre-teen Alex 聽鈥渟o they can understand what their precious son endures on a daily basis. Alex鈥檚 concerned mom asks her son if what these kids are doing to him makes him feel good. 鈥業鈥檓 starting to think I don鈥檛 feel anything anymore,鈥� Alex responds, and my heart rips in two.鈥�

Just reading that ripped mine to shreds too.

I was mulling all this over when my son, who is in eighth grade, told an unsettling story at dinner. There鈥檚 a boy, Mike 鈥� and I鈥檓 changing names her to protect the innocent or not so inoccent 鈥� also in the eighth grade, who no one likes. He isn鈥檛 a very nice kid. He also has a serious case of acne. My son and some boys were standing in a circle talking when Mike walked over and said 鈥淗i.鈥� One of the boys in the group yelled, 鈥淪hut up pizza face!鈥� Mike walked away as he usually does, defeated. 鈥淚t was pretty funny,鈥� my son said. I was floored: he thinks that鈥檚 funny??

聽鈥淚 know Mike is annoying,鈥� I told him, 鈥渂ut can you imagine what his life is like? Every morning he wakes up knowing he鈥檚 got eight hours ahead of him of teasing, taunting, name calling and humiliation.鈥� Every single day, since he came to this school, Mike has been bullied, just mildly enough that there鈥檚 no punishment meted out, no discipline given. And he isn鈥檛 about to complain to his parents or anyone else.

聽A couple of days later my son was waiting with another friend, Stuart, after school. They were bored. Stuart said, 鈥淟et鈥檚 find Mike.鈥�

My son knew what that meant: let鈥檚 harass Mike, for sport. 聽He said, 鈥淣o. It鈥檚 not right to bully him.鈥�

My son told this story at dinnertime, a few days after he told the pizza face story. 鈥淚 thought about what it would be like to wake up everyday, knowing that I鈥檇 be bullied,鈥� my son said. 鈥淚t would be horrible.鈥澛�

I thought if just one dinner conversation about this could change my son鈥檚 thinking, perhaps the movie would not only reinforce that change, but also cause my son and his friends to rethink how important civility and kindness are, even if someone is annoying. Or has acne.

So I made my decision: we will see "Bully," for sure.聽 聽聽聽