Grandparents are helping grandchildren more with school, says study
| CHICAGO
Grandparents dote on their grandchildren to the tune of about $52 billion each year, the bulk of which 鈥� $32 billion 鈥� goes to school tuition and other education costs, according to 鈥淭he Grandparent Economy,鈥� a study by American Demographics founder Peter Francese.
It follows, then, that they would want a say in that education. A growing number of grandparents are helping with class projects, checking homework, even attending parent-teacher conferences, says Cheri Burcham, a family life educator at the University of Illinois Extension.
鈥淭heir top concern is helping their grandkids succeed in school and advocating for them with their teachers,鈥� says Burcham.
Marry that information to the fact that 5.4 million American children are being raised by their grandparents, according to 2010 Census figures, and you have a national portrait that looks a lot different from the back-to-school ads.
With the right approach, this dynamic can benefit all parties. Experts say grandparents should keep the following in mind as the new school year marches on.
Ask, don鈥檛 tell. 鈥淎sk questions rather than giving answers,鈥� says Mount Sinai School of Medicine psychiatry professor Georgia Witkin, author of 鈥淭he Modern Grandparent鈥檚 Handbook: The Ultimate Guide to the New Rules of Grandparenting鈥� (NAL Trade). 鈥淭he聽parents聽may be feeling somewhat guilty that they鈥檙e not able to do more, and you really have to be sensitive to your son鈥檚 or daughter鈥檚 feelings. 鈥榃ould you like me to talk to the teacher, or is that something you鈥檇 prefer to do?鈥� 鈥榃ould it be helpful if I go to the parent-teacher conference?鈥� Constantly let them know you see them as the聽parents.鈥�
Keep the school in the loop. 鈥淭he biggest point is to communicate with the principal and teachers from the beginning 鈥� not just at the parent-teacher conferences 鈥� to explain the situation and learn how to work with them for the benefit of the child,鈥� says Burcham. Should emails be directed to the grandparents? Will the grandparents be chaperoning field trips and volunteering in the classroom? Does the school have a phone number and other contact information for the grandparents?
Be realistic 鈥� and vocal 鈥� about your boundaries. 鈥淭he grandparents may have some health issues of their own or be on limited income,鈥� says Burcham. 鈥淭he stress can be overwhelming.鈥� Your health and well-being have to remain a priority.
Enlist reinforcements. 鈥淚 often suggest that grandparents have their grandchildren write down the names and phone numbers of one student in each of their classes so they have someone to contact to help at homework time if something is beyond the grandparents鈥� understanding,鈥� says Burcham.
Do some research. Your state鈥檚 Department on Aging can likely offer resources and tips on tutors and other educational aids, says Burcham. Start with the National Institute on Aging website at聽. Grandparents.com offers a 鈥淕randparents鈥� Guide to Education鈥� (type 鈥渆ducation鈥� in the website鈥檚 search field) with a grade-by-grade primer on what you can expect your grandchildren to be learning in various subjects from kindergarten to eighth grade.
Be confident. 鈥淭eachers are relating to grandparents very much the same way they would to a聽parent,鈥� says Witkin. 鈥淭here is no generation gap. We鈥檙e all listening to The Black Eyed Peas. Everyone鈥檚 watching 鈥�American Idol.鈥� My daughter鈥檚 reading 鈥�50 Shades of Grey鈥� on her iPad. I鈥檓 reading 鈥�50 Shades of Grey鈥� on my iPad. We鈥檙e all living in the same world.鈥�
