海角大神

In her memoir, 鈥淏eing a Ballerina: The Power and Perfection of a Dancing Life,鈥� Gavin Larsen calls herself an 鈥渆veryday鈥� ballerina. Before retiring in 2010, she danced professionally in a number of well-regarded companies in the United States and Canada, including Oregon Ballet Theatre, where she was a principal dancer. In the book, she relates episodes from her childhood training at the School of American Ballet in New York all the way up through her successful 18-year career. She illuminates what it means to dedicate oneself to an art form 鈥� the daily navigation between pain and joy, between total immersion and having a balanced life. Unlike the gossipy celebrity tell-all, 鈥淏eing a Ballerina鈥� is a personal chronicle of a professional dancing life that is as accessible as it is engaging.聽

Q:聽The vast majority of aspiring young dancers don鈥檛 become superstars, which makes your story so relatable. Despite notable success as a principal dancer, you still call yourself an 鈥渆veryday鈥� dancer. Why?

I wanted to highlight the thousands of [dancers] who rose to success, but are not superstars, who straddle these two worlds 鈥� in [this] exalted place, but as kind of worker bees. That crew of us is the untold story. So many dancer memoirs are by the famous names who had hardship and remarkable elements to their stories, and I had none of that. I felt the drama of a life in dance lies in the everydayness of it, the extraordinary in the ordinary. This is an interesting subset of ballet culture that nondancers are not really aware of.

Q:聽I don鈥檛 think most people realize that ballet demands not just strength and technical facility but incredible stamina. You write of dropping to your knees in the wings after one particularly rigorous performance. How difficult was it?

That鈥檚 another element I really wanted to hit home. Ballet is bone-crushingly hard, physically and mentally. People have an impression of a ballerina that it鈥檚 lovely and fun and your toes bleed, but that鈥檚 not really it. It鈥檚 really the highest echelon of athletic training and performance as well as an art form. I wanted to be detailed, take readers through what you do with your body minute by minute working through a piece of choreography.

Q:聽You鈥檙e quite candid about performance mishaps. When you know that one misstep can be career-ending, how do you let go of that fear of physical failure to dance full out, to take risks?

It鈥檚 really hard, and honestly you can鈥檛 always do it. As the years went on, it got harder, and that was a big mental component to stopping when I did. But you鈥檙e so skilled by that point that you鈥檙e used to feeling how to make it work. We used to say 鈥淲e鈥檝e gotta go make it happen鈥� instead of just letting it happen.

Q:聽Pop culture sensationalizes the competition aspects of ballet. What was your experience?

That鈥檚 another common misperception that I really despise. Yes, there鈥檚 built-in competition, in that there are many more dancers than jobs and coveted roles, and you鈥檙e always measuring yourself up against other dancers. But, and I daresay 95% of dancers would agree, the majority of us experience an incredible support system. It鈥檚 this community and we all understand each other. The camaraderie in a ballet company is as strong as a military bond 鈥� it鈥檚 that tight and supportive. And that crew mentality extends beyond the dancers. There really is this neat web of people that all come together to make this one thing happen. The applause is not all for me.

Q:聽You don鈥檛 divulge much about your personal life until the end. Was that deliberate?

I wanted to highlight the dancing life. I did add some personal [elements] late in the book and was more forthcoming. But I was unique in having an extra heightened degree of single-mindedness 鈥� I didn鈥檛 get married, have children, or go to school while dancing. But I also didn鈥檛 eat, drink, and sleep ballet 24 hours a day.聽

Q:聽How have you adjusted to retirement, which you refer to as 鈥渁 small death鈥�?

Writing this book helped a lot. It unfolded over 10 years, helping ease me out of a performing identity. That ballerina is still there; she鈥檚 just quiet right now. There are so many things about the performance life and the work that I don鈥檛 miss. Any moment I feel a pang for the exhilaration of performing, I think of how fleeting those moments are.

Q:聽What鈥檚 your best advice for aspiring ballet dancers?

If you really, really feel that pilot light in you, you can find a way to make it your life. I鈥檝e seen too many people give up. There鈥檚 a job out there for every dancer. It may take more tenacity or time, but be stubborn and keep dancing.

Q:聽You now live and teach in Asheville, North Carolina, and end the book with a chapter about teaching avocational dancers, making ballet more accessible. How does the book relate to that?

I love teaching adults and recreational dancers. I hope the book gives ballet a more universal appeal. Everyone can dance, and everyone should dance.聽