海角大神

The coronavirus pandemic has turned lives upside down, with stay-at-home orders shifting relationships with family and friends in major ways. But what has this meant for individuals looking for love?

Many men and women across the world are continuing to date during COVID-19 鈥� even if that means coming up with creative solutions to meeting new people, like going on Zoom dates or watching movies at the same time in two separate apartments.

Editor鈥檚 note: As a public service,聽all our coronavirus coverage聽is free. No paywall.

The shift away from dining in restaurants or going out has been frustrating, but those in the thick of it are finding things they like about this new approach to dating. There鈥檚 more time spent chatting on the phone, and less opportunity to 鈥減eacock鈥� and show off. For some, it鈥檚 as if romance is getting a throwback to the style of Jane Austen novels,聽with heartfelt correspondence and a slower pace.

Although there鈥檚 a sense of anticipation and hope for the day dinner and a movie 鈥� in person聽and聽in public 鈥� is on the table once again, dating is getting a reboot.

Note: This audio story was designed to be heard. We strongly encourage you to experience it with your ears, but we understand that is not an option for everybody. For those who are unable to listen, we have provided a transcript of the story. (If you鈥檙e reading this off our website and don鈥檛 see an audio player, click here to access the audio player.)

Audio Transcript:

[Saxophone music]

Whitney Eulich:聽Dating has turned into a bit of a spectacle over the past 20 years. From reality TV show classics like 鈥淭he Bachelor鈥� [clip from 鈥淭he Bachelor鈥漖聽to the spread of online dating sites and the so-called 鈥渟wipe culture.鈥� And of course, more recently there鈥檚 the now seemingly prophetic Netflix series 鈥淟ove is Blind鈥澛�[clip from 鈥淟ove is Blind鈥� trailer].

Jessica Mendoza: But thanks to coronavirus, dating is moving even further online and onto our screens.聽

Whitney: Because, you know, as it turns out, essentially stripping human contact from our day-to-day lives transforms how we connect with each other.聽

Jess: My name is Jessica Mendoza, and I鈥檓 the multimedia reporter for 海角大神.

Whitney: And I鈥檓 Whitney Eulich, the Monitor鈥檚 Latin America correspondent.聽We wanted to know: How are people navigating this uncharted territory?

Jess:聽So we asked a bunch of single men and women, and here鈥檚 a bit of what they had to say.

[Music transition into interview montage]

Tony Maddox: So, what went from three kind of magical dates turned into very limited contact.

Shola Olabode-Dada:聽And then the other person we were supposed to have a virtual date. But he didn鈥檛 show up 鈥� he stood me up!

Chloe Hollett: Now, I鈥檓 gonna be honest. I鈥檓 having difficulty. Because I鈥檓 running out of guys!

Andrea Milla:聽Este situaci贸n nos ha obligado a cambiar la din谩mica de la relaci贸n, de repente apresurar muchos procesos. [Voiceover translation: 鈥淭his situation has forced us to change the dynamic of our relationship, and suddenly rush lots of these processes.鈥漖

Tracy Smith: I feel like this has been a reset for like the entire country. A reset for how we look at dating.聽

Chloe Hollett: These guys that I see online, OMG, they鈥檙e like Grizzly Adams. It鈥檚 like society quiets for a moment and suddenly they all fall apart.

Whitney: Obviously all kinds of relationships are changing right now, you know it鈥檚 not just the romantic variety. I am here with a toddler who is missing her best friend who happens to live across the hall. Writing love letters and yelling to each other from the windows. And, it鈥檚 just breaking my heart that they cant be together right now. It鈥檚 been two months.聽

Jess: Whitney, that鈥檚 one of the saddest things I鈥檝e ever heard. And I don鈥檛 have any kids, but I do have lots of single friends. And I feel like on my end, everyone seems to be asking: Is this a good time to embrace being single? Or do they keep trying to date? And if so, I mean, how?聽

It鈥檚 this kind of relationship that we鈥檙e exploring today. How has COVID-19 complicated the picture for folks who are looking for love?

Whitney: So, we talked to about half a dozen men and women. And we found that while everyone鈥檚 going about this moment in their own way, there are these shared threads of experiences. This willingness people seem to be demonstrating to embrace the unfamiliar and a new appreciation for connecting 鈥� even if it鈥檚 in ways that are a little out of the box.聽聽

Jess: Two of the women we spoke to really drove that home for us. One of them is Leah Hughes. She lives in San Francisco. She had been active on the online dating scene for about five years before Coronavirus hit. And she realized pretty quickly that social distancing was going to have a pretty big impact on her dating life.聽聽

Leah Hughes: My last human interaction, for better or for worse, was actually a bad date, right before the shelter in place was announced. A guy leaned in for the kiss and then I got too nervous and ran away. But I think every date is something new, and I need to figure out what my pacing is.聽

Whitney: The other woman we spoke to was just super busy with her career: She has an online business, just your regular social media influencer. Her name is Beige Ojai, she lives in Maryland. Dating was not even on her radar. 聽But social isolation made her realize just how, well, isolated she was.聽

Jess: So, naturally, she joined a web-only dating show ...聽

Whitney: It鈥檚 called LoveCast ...聽

闯别蝉蝉:听Where the public gets to vote for couples to go on blind dates with each other on video chat (which sounds like my personal nightmare). Each episode airs footage from the dates of the chosen couples. Beige happened to be in Episode 2. They鈥檝e got a host who interviews them about their experience dating each other. And of course there鈥檚 a live chat feature so viewers can comment.聽

Beige Ojai: And I was like, oh, this is interesting. I liked the fact that your friends and family are voting for your potential match.聽I mean I don鈥檛 know if it was the quarantine that made me just feel like I need to talk to somebody. It was just a feeling of cabin fever. So after I kind of got over the uneasy feelings of it all it kind of made sense for me to do something like this.聽聽

Whitney: It turns out that it was interesting. Both women have already pinpointed some dos and don鈥檛s when dating from a distance. And, believe it or not, there are things they enjoy and they hope endure once their relationships move back into the offline world.聽

Jess: We started by asking the two women about what it was like when this all started. How did they handle that first switch to social distance dating? Here鈥檚 Leah first, then Beige:聽

Leah: I think first dates are relatively the same. I mean a first date, 90% of them is basically an interview. But everything else is basically different. The way that I get ready. So I think about makeup for the screen versus in person or in a dimly lit bar.

Beige: I was conscious, yes. So I was filtering what I was saying. I wanted to seem professional and happy and perky. And it was awkward, because we didn鈥檛 really know each other. So it was a little bit different.聽聽

Leah: The inherent safety of my living room definitely makes me feel a little more relaxed. I don鈥檛 have to dodge bad kisses, which is good. I also unfortunately don鈥檛 get real kisses or good kisses. So that is definitely a detractor.

Beige: And we were supposed to only be on the phone for 15 minutes max, but our date was two and a half hours.聽

Whitney: As this situation dragged on, some of the newness started to wear off. There are still quirks that they鈥檙e both grappling with, but they鈥檝e both pinpointed benefits of this new format, as well.聽

Leah: The way that you interact with the person on the screen, there鈥檚 definitely the challenge of seeing your face in the upper-right hand corner. My business persona, and the person who I am at work, I鈥檓 used to that. But the face that I put on and the attitude that I put on when I鈥檓 on a date is just very different.

Beige: To be honest with you, we went on our second date yesterday and that was a five hour [laughter]... a five hour date.聽

Leah: I think it鈥檚 one of those things where seeing my 鈥榝lirt face鈥� is kind of like when you鈥檙e lying in bed at night and you鈥檙e trying to sleep and then you remember a deeply embarrassing moment. And it just stays with you for 10 minutes while you relive how awkward you are.

Beige: He made it so that we were able to FaceTime and watch the poetry night at the same time. And then after that we just FaceTimed. And it was really nice. It was really nice.

Leah: The bragging or the peacocking element of first dates isn鈥檛 there. The guy isn鈥檛 talking about what trips he has planned because you can鈥檛 go on a trip right now. So through the week, I鈥檒l definitely try and gather up anecdotes. I try to get those interesting stories of saying, 鈥極h I saw ducklings on my walk.鈥� Which, now as I say it out loud, it鈥檚 not that interesting. But it鈥檚 interesting in terms of, my entire life is within one square mile.聽

Beige: To be honest with you I鈥檝e never gone to a poetry night before. It was definitely something new. But if that鈥檚 what he鈥檚 into, I鈥檓 definitely willing to try different things.聽

Jess: Clearly they鈥檙e both finding ways to make this crazy situation work. But they also learned that there are aspects of dating in person that you really can鈥檛 replace.聽

Leah: Chemistry is hard. Chemistry is one of the things I鈥檓 really struggling with. What if I have built up this relationship in my head and then there鈥檚 just no chemistry? It鈥檚 almost like a Jane Austen letter, you know, where one of the characters will read this sweeping love letter and it鈥檚 almost like an online date. And then they meet the person in real life and they realize: Oh, this is actually a dud.

Because I鈥檓 a little bitter that my last human interaction was a bad date, I am a little skittish about risking it all to go meet up with a guy. I would prioritize seeing my loved ones, my friends first. But, yes, once things start coming back, I would love to go on a walk. I would love to see what the chemistry is and see that person in real life and figure out if it鈥檚 something I would like to move forward with.聽

Whitney: Beige is trying to come up with creative ways to test that chemistry 鈥� from a safe distance, of course.

Jess: Watch out, we鈥檙e getting to Whitney鈥檚 favorite part.聽

Whitney: It is!

Beige: He thought of the perfect date for us to do virtually. And I鈥檓 looking forward to our next date. We鈥檙e trying to figure out how we鈥檙e going to do it. I mean there are no places to go, really. You know, we can鈥檛 go to the movies or anything that people typically would. The only place that鈥檚 open is the grocery store.聽

And maybe we鈥檒l meet in the grocery store parking lot. And eat popcorn and look at the stars. But he鈥檚 in his car and I鈥檓 in my car. We could actually 鈥撀爕es, now that I鈥檓 thinking about it, he could be in his car, I could be in my car and we could eat popcorn and watch a movie. But we鈥檙e watching the same movie on each other鈥檚 phones at the same time. And talking about it with our windows down. Can you see the vision? [laughter]

Whitney: I love the idea of a grocery store parking lot date.聽

Jess: I know you do. What do you like so much about it?聽

Whitney: I just think that it鈥檚 very on brand for coronavirus. And it really just seems to get to this idea that humans can be so creative and adaptable in times like these.聽

Jess: Right. And that actually leads us straight to our big question for Leah and Beige.

Beige: How to date during this period鈥� be creative.聽

Leah: Don鈥檛 look at yourself in the upper-right-hand corner if you can avoid it.聽

Beige: Because if you think about how we鈥檝e been dating regularly before all of this, a typical date may be dinner and a movie, and these clich茅 type of dates. But now if you want to practice social distancing, and going on dating, there鈥檚 no other way around it. You have to be creative.聽

Leah: It鈥檚 all about embracing the newness right now. I think every day brings an experience that I truly never expected to think about a year ago or six months ago, and now it鈥檚 just a part of daily life. And that鈥檚 one of the nice things about the human spirit, is this adaptability. I get to see that and meet people who are also willing to dip their toes in and be pioneers, maybe 鈥� I don鈥檛 know if pioneers is the right thing 鈥� in this online, online dating during the time of COVID.

[Music]

Whitney: I have to say, I think Leah鈥檚 upper-right hand corner advice is actually quite applicable far beyond online dating!聽

Jess: That鈥檚 what you took away from all of that?

Whitney: I鈥檓 starting to notice more 鈥� well, it鈥檚 not a flirt face, but my very serious reporter face and 鈥� I also would like to unsee that! But in all seriousness, both these women show humanity has such an amazing capacity for adapting and being open to new experiences.

Jess: Yeah, it takes courage to put yourself out there no matter what the situation is. And it just shows that the desire to connect is such a part of who we are that not even a global pandemic is going to stop people from trying to find and maintain relationships and build them and maintain them. That feels good to remember these days.

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this story, help us make more. Subscribe to the Monitor at csmonitor.com/subscribe.聽

Whitney: And let us know if you have any stories about love and relationships you want to share with us. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Jess: This story was produced and hosted by me, Jessica Mendoza.

Whitney: And me, Whitney Eulich.

Jess: It was edited by Samantha Laine Perfas and Kim Campbell, with sound design by Tim Malone. Produced by 海角大神, copyright 2020.