Ten tips to avoid buying the wrong house
With mortgage rates at historic lows and 鈥渇or sale鈥� signs popping up on almost every street in America, 2009 could be a great year for house hunters to snap up bargains. Just remember to take your time. This isn鈥檛 the Oklahoma land rush.
In the real estate game, it鈥檚 crucial to consider numerous factors beyond price and curb appeal. Here are some suggestions to ensure that your little piece of paradise doesn鈥檛 turn out to be pit of endless problems after the papers are signed.
You should be wary of making anything resembling a firm offer if:
鈥he neighborhood can only be accessed by crossing a small bridge with a sign over the entrance that proclaims, 鈥淧ayment required when troll is present.鈥�
鈥ou step off the backyard patio and sink up to your knees in mud. Don鈥檛 be lulled by assurances like, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 only a problem during rainy season.鈥�
鈥he sales brochure includes ominous-sounding features such as 鈥渟pontaneous combustion heating system鈥� and 鈥渋ndoor irrigation network.鈥�
鈥ou turn out all the lights in the basement and discover the walls are glowing.
鈥trange gasps and groans emerge from a rusting old toolshed behind the garage, but when you ask the realtor about it, you鈥檙e told, 鈥淲e can go over all that during closing.鈥�
鈥ome kids across the street have set up a table on the sidewalk but instead of selling lemonade their banner says, 鈥淒iscount Tattoos.鈥�
鈥 crack in the front porch is dismissed as 鈥渏ust a little settling along the old earthquake fault that runs through this part of town.鈥�
鈥ou ask to meet the sellers and the agent replies, 鈥淚鈥檒l have to get permission from their supervisor in the witness protection program.鈥�
鈥hen you enter the house, your car keys suddenly turn magnetic, your wristwatch begins running backward, and your cellphone starts emitting old radio broadcasts of 鈥淎mos n鈥� Andy.鈥�
鈥 neighbor peeks over the back fence, nervously, and says, 鈥淲e鈥檙e kinda suspicious of outsiders. Fact is, we haven鈥檛 had any new people move in around here since it rained frogs and all the lawns died.鈥�
鈥� Jeffrey Shaffer writes humor from Portland, Ore.
