The day I got stuck in the Congo and called Car Talk
(The Monitor鈥檚 Africa correspondent recently had car trouble in the jungles of eastern Congo, and spent the night swatting mosquitoes in a mud hut in the Walungu district. He was tired at the time, but believes he may have called the NPR talk show, Car Talk, for advice. Here鈥檚 a transcript of what may or may not have been said.)
TOM: Hello, you鈥檙e talking to Car Talk. Who鈥檚 on the phone?
ME: Yeah, this is Scott, calling from Congo.
RAY: Hello, Scott!
TOM: Is that the Republic of Congo, with the capital in Brazzaville or the Democratic Republic of Congo, with the capital in Kinshasa?
RAY: Look who paid attention in geography class!
TOM: At least someone in our family did. (Laughter.)
ME: Yeah, Tom, it鈥檚 Congo-Kinshasa, although I鈥檓 way over on the other side of the country near Lake Kivu.
TOM: Oh, that鈥檚 beautiful country out there. How鈥檚 the weather right now?
ME: Well, it鈥檚 been raining off and on all day, as it has been since we got here.
RAY: Well, Scott, I hate to tell you this, but we have gorgeous New England autumn weather here in Cambridge, cool and crisp. The wife and I just got back from a lovely drive up in New Hampshire. Leaves were gorgeous.
TOM: Yeah, Ray, the leaves in your yard are gorgeous, too. Maybe you coulda stayed home and picked up a rake.
RAY: Ouch! (Laughter.)
TOM: So, Scott, what can we do for you?
ME: Yeah, look guys, we鈥檙e driving a Toyota Land Cruiser on a muddy mountain road, and we got stuck in a deep hole. We can鈥檛 get out.
TOM: A Toyota Land Cruiser, huh? Best four-wheel-drive car in the Third World. Sorry, I guess we say the Developing World these days.
ME: Yes, the Land Cruiser is a good car. But right now, it might as well be furniture. Our driver has gone into forward and reverse so many times that the front left wheel is now stuck up to the hubs. It鈥檚 also leaning way over and wedged up against a muddy cliff. We鈥檙e spattered with mud from head to sandal.
TOM: OK, I鈥檓 guessing there isn鈥檛 a tow truck around.
ME: No, we鈥檙e the first car the villagers have seen for days. And it鈥檚 dusk, so we鈥檙e losing daylight fast.
RAY: Any villagers around to help you out?
ME: Yes, there鈥檚 a whole crowd watching us, but it鈥檚 Sunday and they don鈥檛 work on Sunday. They say we鈥檙e welcome to stay the night.
TOM: Well, that鈥檚 nice of them.
RAY: Look, Scott, clearly it鈥檚 not doing any good to do that forward and reverse thing. At this rate, you鈥檒l dig yourself down to China.
TOM: No, actually, Ray, if he digs down from Africa he鈥檒l end up in the Pacific Ocean. I鈥檓 thinking north of Tahiti.
RAY: Thank you, Mr. Geography. Scott, have you tried wedging rocks or boards under the wheels to give them traction?
ME: I鈥檝e tried to suggest that in my broken French, but the driver keeps insisting that he always gets himself out of holes this way.
RAY: Oh mercy.
ME: Uh-oh, now the engine just went dead.
RAY: Really. What does it sound like?
ME: Rrrr... rrrr... Rrrr...
RAY: How鈥檚 that again?
ME: Rrrr... Rrrr... Rrrr...
RAY: Yeah, that doesn鈥檛 sound good. Could be the battery鈥檚 dead.
TOM: No, Ray, I think the driver just flooded the engine. Listen, the local people in your part of Congo are more likely to speak Kiswahili than French...
RAY: Listen to my show-off brother. Ki-what?
TOM: Kiswhahili. I learned it during a backpacking trip across Eastern Africa in the 鈥�60s.
RAY: Oh, that鈥檚 where you were. Mom thought you鈥檇 gone to some commune in upstate New York.
TOM: No, that was later. Don鈥檛 tell my wife.
RAY: Too late! She鈥檚 listening in the lobby. You鈥檙e busted! (Laughter.)
TOM: Scott, I鈥檓 going to teach you a little Kiswahili. Ask your driver to check the battery cable connections first, to satisfy my brother Ray. Say 鈥淎ngalia batteria.鈥� And then, have him do nothing for 10 minutes to let some of the fuel evaporate from the engine and try it again.
ME: How do I say 鈥渄o nothing鈥� in Kiswahili?
TOM: Actually, Scott, I don鈥檛 know. My Kiswahili is kind of limited. But better than my brother鈥檚. (Laughter.)
TOM: Oh, ask him if he can fix it today. Say, 鈥淯taweza kuitengeneza leo?鈥� (Pause).
ME: The driver says no, he can鈥檛 fix it today.
RAY: So, Scott, I guess you鈥檒l be sleeping in the village. (Laughter.)
TOM: Scott, did you bring any mosquito repellent?
ME: No.
TOM: A raincoat?
ME: We鈥檝e got one. My friend and I are taking turns with it.
TOM: Any food?
ME: We鈥檝e been living on bananas and warm Coke for the past two days.
TOM: Bananas and warm Coke. Mmmm, that takes me back to Africa.
RAY: Hey, Tom, (sound of snapping fingers). Tom, hello, we鈥檙e trying to help this guy in the jungles of Africa here...
TOM: Ray, there鈥檚 nothing Scott can do at this point but wait for the morning and hope the road dries out a bit. Meanwhile, you better get to that village. Don鈥檛 expect the Ritz. If it gets cold 鈥� and it will 鈥� you can ask the villagers for a blanket. Say, 鈥淣aomba blanketi tafadhali.鈥� 鈥淭afadhali鈥� means 鈥減lease.鈥�
RAY: Tom, you鈥檙e scaring me with this Kiswahili thing.
ME: OK, Tom and Ray, my cell battery is starting to die. Or maybe it鈥檚 just flooded. Thanks for your help.
TOM: Thanks for calling Car Talk, Scott. 鈥淏arackasvili鈥� (good luck).
