海角大神

My three year old son is picky about what he eats, like most three year olds are. He doesn鈥檛 like most of the things that we serve for supper and isn鈥檛 afraid to be vocal about it.

My six year old loves art projects. She draws and paints and cuts paper and glues things together. She doesn鈥檛 like the cleanup part, though, and will often get quite upset during that part.

My eight year old doesn鈥檛 like going to bed. He thinks he should stay up quite a bit later than he does and makes sure that we know about it through lots of grumbling and protestation before bedtime.

Each of them have strong impulsive desires. There are things that they聽should聽be doing and there are things that they聽want to聽be doing. When these things don鈥檛 overlap, it becomes very difficult very quickly.

They want to聽justify聽doing the things they want to do and, at the same time, justify not doing the things they don鈥檛 want to do.

My oldest child and, to a lesser extent, my middle child do have some understanding of the long term benefit of doing the 鈥済ood thing.鈥� They understand why you eat your veggies, even if it doesn鈥檛 taste as good as other dining options. They understand why you go to bed early, even if you鈥檇 rather stay up and play.

In other words, they understand that聽doing the thing that isn鈥檛 enjoyable in the short term sometimes makes things way better in the long term.

Still, they鈥檙e often driven by impulse, and that impulse almost always steers them to whatever choice is most enjoyable in the short term.

I understand that impulse.听滨听deeply聽understand it.

Even now, it鈥檚 sometimes tempting to spend money with reckless abandon on whatever it is I want at the moment. It鈥檚 tempting to skip out on exercise or to eat a tasty but unhealthy meal. It鈥檚 tempting to put down a challenging but thought-provoking book and pick up a page-turner. It鈥檚 tempting to not 鈥渂ank鈥� some articles for the future and instead play a computer game.

That impulse is the exact same thing I see on the face of my children when they鈥檙e struggling between what the 鈥済ood鈥� choice is and what the 鈥渇un鈥� choice is. They鈥檙e learning what it takes to be a mature, rational person who can control their impulses 鈥� but they鈥檙e still children.

I鈥檓 an adult, of course, but that child is still alive inside of me. It鈥檚 that child that shouts at me to do whatever it is that鈥檚 most fun in the short term without thinking about the long term.

It鈥檚 that inner child that shouts at me to eat something unhealthy because it will taste good聽now.

It鈥檚 that inner child that pushes me to spend money needlessly because I鈥檒l enjoy whatever I buy聽now.

Thankfully, the adult in me realizes that聽simply maximizing the short term utterly bankrupts the long term.聽Instead, the best route is to sometimes take the less enjoyable route in the short term so that I can enjoy the long term more. Even better, sometimes I can find a route that鈥檚 enjoyable in the short term and doesn鈥檛 drain the long term, either.

Sometimes, I listen to that inner child. It can be fun. That inner child is impulsive and he鈥檚 going to lead me toward something that鈥檚 enjoyable right now. Thankfully, the adult in me knows that I鈥檓 going to listen every once in a while and has prepared a budget that allows for some 鈥渇ree spending鈥� each month.

Never, ever shut out that inner child. Instead, learn when you can listen to that child and know what you can do in advance to make some impulsiveness possible.

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