海角大神

Sarah and I have been married for ten years. As our tenth anniversary has passed by, we鈥檝e had a few conversations where we鈥檝e reminisced about our wedding day.

Mostly, our memories seem to revolve around people. We remembered the unexpected old friend who showed up out of the blue even though we hadn鈥檛 seen him in years. We remembered the mixing of our extended families. We remembered the tears of our mothers and the wonderful toasts of our friends. We remembered the aunts and uncles and cousins who quietly took care of lots of little details. We even remembered one of my old family friends who had a bit too much to drink and made a few loud passes at various women in the room.

What things haven鈥檛 come up in our remembrances? We haven鈥檛 talked about the relative quality of the wedding hall. We haven鈥檛 talked about whether or not we got the right photographer. We haven鈥檛 talked about whether we should have spent more on the food.

At the time of our wedding, we were pretty stressed out about these details. We wanted the perfect wedding and the perfect reception and the perfect food and so on.

Looking back on it now, all that really mattered then and all that really mattered now were the people. We had a couple hundred people we care about all gathered together in one place.

The place for the reception really didn鈥檛 matter. Is it big enough for all of the people who were coming? Is it clean? Aside from that, it鈥檚 just a room to gather the people you love.

The food we served really didn鈥檛 matter, either. It was good food, but we certainly didn鈥檛 need catering. Most of the food there was made by friends and family and it was perfectly good.

The photographer? We had one that was recommended by a friend, but we ended up with so many different digital shots and paper snapshots from friends and family that we honestly didn鈥檛 need one. That was ten years ago. Now? Ask a friend to do it.

The music? We had a DJ. Honestly, we could have just picked a four hour mix of songs out of our music collection, attached some speakers to a computer, and put up some lights and we would have been fine. Have one of your outgoing friends MC a few pieces if needed 鈥� in fact, that will likely be more memorable than having a random DJ do it.

The cake? Our cake was actually made by a family friend. It was cake. It was perfectly fine.

Over and over again, our memories come back to the people. All of those other elements? We scarcely remember them.

If you want a wedding and a wedding reception that鈥檚 going to provide you with a lifetime of lasting memories, make it all about the people you鈥檝e invited. Ask them to help with the setup. Ask them to help with all kinds of little tasks.

The vast majority of them will be glad to do it. You can spend the day beforehand with all of those people setting up your big day. In fact, we did something akin to that, as we spent the day beforehand with lots of family and friends, putting up decorations and making food and setting up tables and chairs. What do I remember about that day? I remember being a bit stressed, but I mostly remember all of the people.

Don鈥檛 worry about the right food or the right cake or the right room or the right photographer or the right dress. If you鈥檙e going to worry about anything, just worry about getting everyone you know and love together in one place. If you have that, you can get married in a t-shirt and serve sandwiches for a meal.

In ten years, those little details won鈥檛 matter. What will matter are the memories of people and the relationships with them that you have that have lasted.