海角大神

Whenever Sarah makes a financially smart choice, particularly one that involves her doing something outside of her usual comfort zone, I usually make an effort to compliment her on it. She does the same for me.

When we鈥檙e choosing activities together, we often point out things that are free and use the low cost of that activity as a strong positive in favor of that activity.

When we鈥檙e examining bills and I notice that Sarah has kept her spending really low over the last month or two, including things like grocery shopping, I make sure to give her a high five with regards to it.

Simply put, whenever there鈥檚 a chance to encourage or positively reinforce Sarah鈥檚 frugal choices, I try to do it. She does the same for me.

The end result of that is a strong sense in our relationship that making low-cost choices is a very good thing in terms of making us both happy. Because of the positive reinforcement, inexpensive choices naturally seem like the positive thing to do.

What we鈥檝e found is that聽the opposite聽颈蝉苍鈥檛聽true in this case.聽If you鈥檙e condescending about expensive choices, it often backfires. Whenever you inject negative feelings into a situation, even if there is reason for it, it usually ends up breeding negativity and resentment and, eventually, resistance and rebellion to the idea.

So, how can you bring this into your own relationship?

When you see your partner making a frugal choice 鈥� particularly one that鈥檚 a bit outside the norm 鈥� let them know you鈥檙e impressed.聽Give that person a pat on the back or a kiss and tell them that you love that they鈥檙e making choices with your mutual financial future in mind.

Do your best to exhibit financially sensible behaviors, too.聽Be a model through your actions for how to cut costs. Do things regularly that make financial sense, like making shopping lists or choosing low-cost entertainments.

Don鈥檛 freak out if your partner overspends.聽Just say nothing negative or positive about the choice. Instead, hold onto your positive comments and drop them when something frugal is done.

Don鈥檛 preach.聽Honey is a much better lure than vinegar. Don鈥檛 insist on change. Instead, reward it. Don鈥檛 demand change. Instead, model it.

In our relationship (and many others), frugality with positive emotions behind it becomes something that pushes us both to minimize our spending while feeling good about it.

This post is part of a yearlong series called 鈥�365 Ways to Live Cheap (Revisited),鈥� in which I鈥檓 revisiting the entries from my book 鈥�365 Ways to Live Cheap,鈥� which is available聽at Amazon聽and at bookstores everywhere.聽