海角大神

One of the most effective ways to cement our relationship and keep it strong is something incredibly simple that costs almost nothing and is something people have been doing for hundreds of years.

I just write a little note for Sarah and stick it somewhere where she will find it later.

Usually, it鈥檚 not a gushy love note. That鈥檚 not really something I enjoy writing, and I don鈥檛 think Sarah鈥檚 a big fan of it, either.

Instead, it鈥檚 often just a reminder that I really appreciate all of the things she does for our family. I make sure to point out something specific she鈥檚 done recently, too.

For example, if she鈥檚 taken an extra step to take care of a household problem, or she鈥檚 spent a lot of time helping one of our children deal with a life challenge (two things she鈥檚 done very well in the last week or so, might I add), I鈥檒l make sure to specifically mention it in the note.

For us, at the stage of the relationship we鈥檙e in, the most powerful way for us to indicate that we love each other is to recognize the efforts the other is putting in, becuase we are, quite frankly, at the busiest phase of our lives. We have three young children, two full-time careers, community responsibilities, and many other things going on.聽

贬辞飞别惫别谤,听your relationship may thrive on other things.聽Before we were married or early in our marriage, I might have focused more on Sarah鈥檚 beauty or insight (not that I don鈥檛 do it now, just that it鈥檚 not always the central thing that our relationship needs). You need to focus on what your partner needs to feel good about him- or herself.

So, how can you do this? It can be difficult to tackle this task, particularly if writing doesn鈥檛 come easily for you.

The most important thing to remember is that聽language perfection does not matter.聽The thing you鈥檙e trying to make clear is that you care and that you鈥檙e paying attention and that you appreciate your partner.

As I mentioned above, I find it useful to mention something special she鈥檚 done recently that I鈥檝e noticed, but it鈥檚 also good to mention the routine things as well as attributes of the other person.

Think about the things that your partner does well. What things do they just take care of quietly and without asking? What things about your partner make you feel really good when you think about them? Just write them down. That鈥檚 all you have to do.

Then, stick that note somewhere where your partner will discover it. Drop it in a purse. Tuck it in a wallet. Stick it in the console of their car. Let them find it on their own in a day or two.

It鈥檚 so simple. It takes a few minutes to do and it鈥檚 practically free. Yet it鈥檚 a聽powerful聽relationship builder, one that will help sustain and mend and grow that connection between you.

This post is part of a yearlong series called 鈥�365 Ways to Live Cheap (Revisited),鈥� in which I鈥檓 revisiting the entries from my book 鈥�,鈥� which is available聽聽and at bookstores everywhere.聽