海角大神

Let me make it simple.

I do not like mixing financial relationships with friendships.

I do not want to be friends with the person that is selling me a product. I do not want to be friends with my banker. At the same time, I don鈥檛 want my friends to be selling me products or asking me for loans. Please, do not put me in a position where I feel obligated to lend money from you or buy something from you because of our friendship, because that question alone adds some poison to that relationship.

Let鈥檚 look at it from another angle.

When I go to the bank, I鈥檓 not looking for a friend. I鈥檓 looking for a business relationship. I鈥檓 probably depositing some money or making a withdrawal. I might be taking out a loan. In any case, I鈥檓 only in the bank as a necessary step in getting to where I want to be. I don鈥檛 want to have to pay them interest and I would love to be able to earn more interest on my savings. If I have an opportunity to jump ship to a better situation, I鈥檒l probably do that. It鈥檚 not friendship, it鈥檚 business.

When I go to buy something and a salesman approaches me, I know that the person is going to try to sell me a product. That person might be a source of some useful information, but I also know that they鈥檙e earning money for the sole purpose of extracting cash from my pocket. Again, it鈥檚 not friendship, it鈥檚 business.

On the other hand, when I hang out with friends, I鈥檓 not looking for a business transaction. I鈥檓 looking to spend time with people I trust and value who I can talk to freely about my situation without worrying whether they鈥檙e going to sell me something or they鈥檙e going to want something from me. Here, it鈥檚 not business, it鈥檚 friendship.

Every time that line is crossed and I have a friend who wants to sell me a product or wants to borrow some money from me, the dynamic of our relationship changes.

There is an expectation that money will change hands in the future. A salesman expects that you鈥檒l buy a product from them and pay for it. A borrower knows that he or she will have to repay you in the future. A lender knows that you鈥檒l have to repay him in the future.

You can no longer easily talk about things you鈥檝e purchased or other money moves around this person because they鈥檒l wonder, 鈥淲hy didn鈥檛 you buy from me?鈥� or 鈥淲hy didn鈥檛 you pay me back?鈥� or 鈥淲hy didn鈥檛 you lend me as much as I asked for?鈥�

You (and/or the other person) will suddenly feel obligated to make a financial commitment to that other person, one that might not be easy for you to do in the state of your own life. That鈥檚 not a situation that results in positive feelings.

Even worse: what if you can鈥檛 come through on your end of the arrangement? Are you going to tell your friend, 鈥淲ell, I鈥檓 not going to buy from you like I said I would鈥� or 鈥淕uess what? I鈥檓 defaulting on that $100 you owed me鈥�?

Because of all of these factors, I make it clear to my friends that I won鈥檛 borrow money from them, won鈥檛 lend money to them, won鈥檛 sell to them, and won鈥檛 buy stuff from them. Mixing a financial relationship and a friendship is simply something I do not want to do.

If you feel the same way I do, don鈥檛 be afraid. Go out there right now to Facebook or Twitter (or whatever you use to talk to your immediate social circle) and simply add the title of this article as a status update.

I don鈥檛 want to be your client. I don鈥檛 want to be your lender. I want to be your friend.

If they want to know more, refer them to this article. Or, better yet, spell out the ideas above in your own words.

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