Reconnect with an old friend
Get in touch with someone you鈥檝e lost contact with.
I鈥檓 willing to bet if you sat down for a few minutes, you could make a list of people who you were close to at some point in your life that have drifted away for whatever reason.
You went to high school together but moved to different parts of the country.
You went to college together but wound up on very different career paths.
You were in a civic organization or a club together for years, but one of you left for one reason or another.
There are countless reasons why social bonds slip away.
I鈥檒l mention one of my own, because it relates to a woman I鈥檝e attempted to locate several times since college with no success. Her name was Nicole and we became very, very close friends for a few years in college. After going through some personal trauma, she abruptly left the country on a missionary trip and, after that, I scarcely saw her again. We invited her to our wedding and, without an address, we used that of her parents. She sent back a polite note declining our invitation and, since then, I鈥檝e been completely unable to reach her in any way.
I can think of several others as well.
Yet, at the same time, I can think of relationships I have re-established over the years. I鈥檝e picked up the thread with several old friends and professional acquaintances over the years by doing nothing more than reaching out, and it鈥檚 been one of the best things I鈥檝e done, both personally and professionally.
Here are some tips for doing it yourself.
Just 鈥渇riending鈥� someone on Facebook doesn鈥檛 cut the mustard. Facebook is useful for keeping tabs on existing friends, but you don鈥檛 鈥渃lick鈥� with someone just by clicking the 鈥淎dd as friend鈥� button. You can use Facebook to do it, but just friending and lurking isn鈥檛 really much of a connection at all.
The best way to go is to compose a twofold message. What do I mean by that? Simply put, you compose a message to them that contains both a brief update on what you鈥檝e been doing along with specific questions about how they鈥檙e doing.
Put yourself in their shoes. Someone who hasn鈥檛 been a part of their life for a long while suddenly pops out of the blue with an email talking about themselves. How exactly do you follow up on that? I wouldn鈥檛 know how, that鈥檚 for sure.
Thus, you make it easy on the recipient. Ask them some questions that makes it easy to talk about what they鈥檝e been up to. Put the ball in their court.
If you鈥檙e re-establishing contact just to tell someone off again, don鈥檛 bother. It doesn鈥檛 help anyone if you鈥檙e still grinding your axe over something that happened years ago and you鈥檙e just waiting to swing that axe and feel righteous about how you were mistreated a decade or so ago. Don鈥檛 waste your time.
Look for ways to help the person out if you鈥檙e reconnecting. There are lots of ways you can help people. If they鈥檙e looking for work and you know someone in their field, ask them for their resume and pass it on to the person you know.
Keep the communication going. Once you鈥檝e found out what鈥檚 going on with them, touch base every month or so. Ask them what鈥檚 new and let them know what鈥檚 new with you.
Don鈥檛 be afraid to ask for little things. One of the best ways to cement a connection is to create a give-and-take of small exchanges. For example, if you鈥檙e going to be traveling to an area they know well, ask the person for restaurant recommendations. Offer to meet them for lunch if you鈥檙e going to be in their area. Little steps like this take only a moment of your time, but help establish a bond that will be valuable for years to come.
Getting back in touch with old friends and coworkers is almost always something that I鈥檓 extremely glad I鈥檝e done, and more than once, it鈥檚 paid incredible dividends in my life. It only takes a few minutes to open that door.
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