海角大神

As you might recall, last Sunday, I reviewed a book I quite liked entitled by Francine Jay, who blogs over at the quite enjoyable . My book review got the attention of several more popular blogs, , which chose to link to one of Jay鈥檚 more intriguing posts, . The resulting furor caused Jay to actually eliminate much of the post, stating simply:

A few months ago, I published a tongue-in-cheek post entitled 鈥�100 Things I Don鈥檛 Own.鈥� It was meant to be a fun, light-hearted twist on the popular 鈥�100 Thing Challenge.鈥� Unfortunately, it has recently caused some controversy; and since I never intended to offend or upset anyone with it, I鈥檝e decided to remove it.

My lifestyle is unique, and I can understand why the post might be upsetting to some if taken out of context. My husband and I share a 500-square-foot apartment, and simply find life to be much easier when we don鈥檛 have a lot of stuff. We recently moved to London, and spend much of our free time exploring this beautiful city.

I live a minimalist lifestyle because it makes me happy, and would certainly never judge anyone else by what (or how much) they own. I鈥檓 just trying to keep my own life as simple and uncluttered as possible, so that I have the time and energy to truly appreciate it.

So why am I mentioning this? One of the commenters over at Lifehacker asked a question that left me thinking deeply about minimalism, frugality, and confrontation. Here鈥檚 what had to say:

Several commenters have noted that an article about reducing possessions generates strongly negative, even angry, comment. I鈥檇 love to hear more discussion about this, for example those who felt angry or dismissive after reading her article 鈥� what made you feel this way? I鈥檓 not making judgements, I am just really curious about talk about stuff can motivate emotional reactions.

In my own experience (and I have plenty of stuff!) as a person who doesn鈥檛 have a TV, I find that when someone says 鈥渄id you see X鈥� and I simply reply, 鈥渘o, sorry, I don鈥檛 have a TV鈥� 鈥� there is often a very defensive reaction, and a long rationalizing response, ie, 鈥淚 only watch PBS! There鈥檚 a lot of good stuff, etc etc.鈥� What鈥檚 that about?

I see this type of response pretty regularly. Whenever I mention doing something that鈥檚 outside the norm 鈥� like making laundry detergent or striving to make under-$1 meals at home 鈥� I get emails and comments strongly criticizing what I鈥檓 doing. It鈥檚 so routine at this point that, frankly, I don鈥檛 pay a whole lot of attention to enraged negativity because it鈥檚 not worth my time or energy (think of 鈥渢he boy who cried wolf鈥�).

Why, though? Why do people get upset when they see someone else doing something that鈥檚 radically different than their own life choices? I have a few explanations for it.

First of all, the is pretty strong 鈥� and often stronger than we think. To put it simply, the status quo bias means that people choose to do the same things they鈥檝e always done unless there鈥檚 a strongly compelling reason to do things differently. For many people, saving a bit of money on each laundry load or striving to make a very low cost but still healthy meal is not a compelling enough reason to do things differently.

Tied in with that is the basic human instinct to avoid loss rather than to gain. It鈥檚 called and it鈥檚 a heavily-known cognitive bias. Again and again, people would rather avoid any kind of loss than gain anything. This is why you see massive stock selloffs whenever the market takes a dip 鈥� and you see commentators talking apocalyptically during a normal economic down cycle. It鈥檚 also why you see people thinking things like, 鈥淵eah, I could save $50 a month, but I don鈥檛 want to lose the possibility of getting off work early and having the house be perfectly cool when I arrive, so I鈥檒l not bother programming the thermostat.鈥� People are usually more interested in avoiding loss 鈥� in other words, keeping the house always cool so they don鈥檛 鈥渓ose鈥� the ability to come home to a cool house mid-afternoon 鈥� than gain 鈥� that $50 a month they鈥檇 save on their energy bill.

The big one, though, is , or illusive superiority. People constantly overestimate their positive qualities, abilities, way of life, and possessions in comparison to others, resulting in a sense that they鈥檙e above average in most ways. Thus, if someone else is doing something distinctly different than them, they must be doing it wrong.

The Simple Dollar largely attracts readers who are at least somewhat frugal. Why? People who are frugal think that what I write about is normal and it reinforces the above biases for them. People who are not frugal, on the other hand, think what I write about is not normal and want either to alert me of it or feel superior to me because my way is different than theirs. Because they believe their way is right, they鈥檙e often offended that I don鈥檛 do things their way.

Guess what? 罢丑补迟鈥檚 normal.

One of the big reasons I write The Simple Dollar is to show that a normal person has a normal life that incorporates financial responsibility and frugality. People who stick around for more than an article or two quickly realize that I have hobbies and passions and interests, that I dote on my wife and children, and that I have a lot of foibles and quirks (for example, I still want to use the word 鈥渦nthaw鈥�). I put things that I do and learn out there for one reason and one reason alone: for you to pick and choose among them to find ideas and things to make your life better.

Yes, in some ways, I鈥檓 sure you believe you鈥檙e doing some things better than I am. But here鈥檚 the thing 鈥� the reverse of that isn鈥檛 true. A typical writer 鈥� like me 鈥� sharing details about what I鈥檓 doing doesn鈥檛 have any idea what you鈥檙e doing. I don鈥檛 know what you buy for laundry detergent or how you wash your dishes or the decision-making process you鈥檝e made for daycare. All I can know is what I鈥檓 doing and how I would handle some situation 鈥� and all I can do is share that.

If you feel that it鈥檚 some sort of judgment against you 鈥� well, that鈥檚 essentially impossible. I don鈥檛 know the specifics of your situation, what you value, what you believe in, or anything else. I only have a handful of tiny assumptions about my readers 鈥� mostly that they鈥檙e usually trying to better their lives in some fashion. Beyond that, I can鈥檛 possibly judge you. All I can do is share, and sharing is the farthest thing from judging.

If I do something different than what you do, make up your own mind about it. I can only see what I do and share what I do. You can see both what you do and what I do and you can decide for yourself which way is best for you. Maybe your way is better 鈥� I have no way of knowing.

罢丑补迟鈥檚 the idea behind most advice writers you read out there 鈥� me, other personal finance (and related issue) bloggers, book writers, and so on. We only know what we know and we can鈥檛 know your specific ideas or ways of thinking or ways of doing things. If you feel like you鈥檙e being judged, that鈥檚 not our doing. Instead, step back and ask yourself if you can鈥檛 learn something from this. Why do you feel judged by a statement of what someone else is doing who does not know what you鈥檙e doing at all? Dig into that and you might find some things that will change your life. I ask myself that very question quite a bit, and exploring it is almost always rewarding.

, you鈥檝e reduced your possessions beyond a level that I would feel comfortable with. I wouldn鈥檛 do what you are doing and, yes, I think my way of doing things is better. However, seeing what you do gives me food for thought, and I鈥檒l keep reading. I think that鈥檚 always the healthy way to approach new information and advice that鈥檚 given openly and reasonably.

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