Eight things you'll need to hibernate your way through winter
Bears do it, bees do it, squirrels and snakes do it, so why聽can't we all just sleep, snuggle and hide out inside until April?
Well, we kind of can. I may not be able to stuff my cheeks with nuts,聽but I do have two-hour delivery from Amazon Prime Now. I'm not typically prone to digging holes or building nests, but I am very effective at burying my head in my pillow for two hours instead of getting聽up in the morning. It's one degree in Chicago right now, so I'm just going to move things around on my calendar so that I don't have to leave the house for the next four to five聽months. Okay bye!
If staying inside until spring sounds appealing to you, here's everything you'll need to prepare:
An Amazon Prime or Instacart account
There's something particularly horrifying about going to the grocery store in the winter. The parking lot is busier. The floors are slipperier. The bags feel heavier. Don't go to the grocery store. Just stay inside.聽You can plan for recurring purchases using聽聽subscribe and save, and order fresh items from Prime now or Instacart for delivery within a couple of hours. Prices are generally comparable to those in-store, but you will pay tip for Prime Now and delivery fees on Instacart. However, you'll save yourself hours of time, potentially frostbitten fingers, and you won't be tempted by the sweet smells wafting from the bakery section.
Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Video
Or all three. Just so you can watch all of the things.
A fireplace聽or a copy of the Little Inferno video game
There's nothing like watching the snow fall outside while feeling聽the warm glow of聽crackling flames on your face. Check out our聽, or take the free route and find a fireplace video on YouTube or聽a channel on your Smart TV. I also highly recommend the winter-themed video game Little Inferno. The game provides you with a digital fireplace in which to burn any number of random items, and encourages you to "stay inside, burn all your toys, and stay warm." Once you get enough money, fill the screen with marshmallows and start a fire in the corner.
A stash of Stash Tea
What fun would hibernation be without hot drinks?聽Add this to your Amazon Prime list:聽聽and聽are eligible for free Prime shipping. It's not the cheapest tea out there, but in my opinion, it's the best quality you can get for that price. Choose from a variety of flavors, like lemon ginger, peppermint, and maple apple cider. (Whiskey is optional but encouraged.)
A yoga mat and some hand weights
Exercise and cold weather just don't mix well, which makes the gym is one of the worst places to go in the winter. If you tell everyone you're going into hibernation and then show up at the gym, no one is going to take you seriously! So cancel that聽gym membership you only use once a month, and get a few basics to help you work out at home. A yoga mat聽(), some hand weights聽(), and a workout video on YouTube is all you need to stay healthy. If you want more inspiration,聽.
A robe and slippers
If you don't have a good robe, you're really missing out on one of the essential joys of human existence. If you do have a robe but it isn't lined in sherpa or fleece, or聽if putting it on doesn't make you feel like you're getting a kiss from a baby, then maybe you should get a new one. Terrycloth robes are for drying off after a shower and are not sufficient for hibernation.聽It's also a good idea to keep your feet covered in the聽.
Friends who aren't also hibernating
Nobody likes going out in the cold, so maintaining a social life during the winter can be problematic. You'll need to have at least a few friends who聽aren't hibernating, and you'll need to convince everyone that your house is the best place to be in the current weather. This means that you should have several heated throw blankets on hand () some adult coloring books, plenty of pillows, ambient lighting, enough cheese to whip up a charcuterie board in a moment's notice, and a relatively friendly demeanor. The wine will also help.
If you follow these instructions, you'll be able to keep聽your outdoor exposure to聽a bare minimum. If you work from home, you can literally live like a rodent. Have no shame!
This story originally appeared on .
