Steve Martin gives a lesson on sales taxes
Steve Martin鈥搚es, the wild and crazy guy鈥揾as a new novel. 鈥溾�� tells the story of Lacey Yeager, an up-and-comer in New York鈥檚 art world in the mid-1990s. I鈥檓 19% of the way through the novel (up to location 779 in Kindle-speak), during which Lacey has been climbing the ladder at Sotheby鈥檚, the famous auction house.
Thus far, my favorite passage depicts how sensitive wealthy art collectors can be to taxes. Sotheby鈥檚 has sent Lacey to Washington to deliver a painting to the winning bidder in a recent auction. After getting off her train, Lacey heads over to Georgetown:
The white door of the brownstone swung open with a faint jingle-bell tinkle, and Saul Nathanson waved with full panic shouting, 鈥淒on鈥檛 come up the steps!鈥�
So many interpretations. Was he shouting at Lacey, the painting, or the taxi driver? 鈥淒on鈥檛 step on the walkway!鈥� Was the concrete wet? But Saul ran toward them more sheepish than commanding, and they all stayed put.
鈥淚 thought by having you bring the picture,鈥� Paul said, panting, 鈥渢hat we were taking delivery of the picture in Washington. But it seems to be disputable that this might constitute taking delivery in New York.鈥�
Lacey looked at Saul, then at the taxi driver. He pulled his cap back and scratched his head. 鈥淥h yeah, sales tax,鈥� he said.
鈥淲hat?鈥� said Lacey.
鈥淢y wife sells jewelry. There鈥檚 always a sales tax issue.鈥�
Saul pointed at the driver with a silent 鈥渂ingo.鈥� 鈥淲e鈥檝e got to have it shipped to us from New York by a reputable carrier.鈥�
Lacey muttered, 鈥淚鈥檓 reputable.鈥�
鈥淏ut unlicensed. We鈥檝e got a questionable situation here. You鈥檝e got to take it back. It鈥檚 a difference of almost ten thousand dollars,鈥� said Saul.
The statement hung in the air, until the taxi driver said, 鈥淵ou mean that box is worth a hundred and fifty thousand dollars?鈥�
Lacey turned to him. 鈥淲ho are you, Rain Man?鈥�
Saul was balanced on his toes. 鈥淚鈥檓 so sorry, Lacey, we tried to turn you around, but we just learned it an hour ago. Here鈥檚 something for you鈥濃�揾e handed her a folded hundred-dollar bill鈥撯�漚nd don鈥檛 let the painting touch the walkway.鈥�
鈥淚鈥檒l be a witness,鈥� said the grinning taxi driver, implying there could be another tip due.
鈥淚 can鈥檛 even invite you in,鈥� said Saul. Then he turned to the half-opened door. 鈥淓stelle! Wave hello to Lacey!鈥�
Estelle poked her head out of an upstairs window. 鈥淗ello, Lacey. Saul鈥檚 insane!鈥�
Or maybe he鈥檚 highly rational?
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