'I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter' lays out a real and raw world
Julia Reyes is many things.
She鈥檚 a 15-year-old writer who desperately wants to go to college. She鈥檚 an outspoken feminist with big dreams and a hunger for art. She鈥檚 sarcastic, intellectual, and judgmental. She鈥檚 the daughter of undocumented Mexican immigrants, living in a roach-infested apartment in Chicago. She is unremittingly poor 鈥� and eternally bitter about it. She鈥檚 angry almost all the time.
When her older sister, Olga, dies in a car accident, Julia adds one more line to her bio: She is not now, not ever, going to be like her terminally boring sister 鈥� no matter how much her parents wish she were. She is going to be somebody, and she鈥檚 going to leave as soon as she can.
Her parents don鈥檛 know what to do with her. In their eyes, a good woman should want to get a job, marry a Latino, raise children, and make tortillas until the day she dies. Olga seemed to be ideal; why, her mother rages, can鈥檛 Julia be good?
A month after Olga鈥檚 death, however, Julia discovers something that makes her think she didn鈥檛 know her sister at all. Behind the facade of a mousy, sweet, dutiful daughter 鈥� Saint Olga, who lived at home at 27 and always listened to her parents 鈥� who was she really?
No one takes Julia鈥檚 suspicions seriously, but she can鈥檛 let it lie. 鈥淚鈥檝e had this feeling that won鈥檛 leave me alone, like tiny needles in the back of my head,鈥� she says. Alone and unhappy, Julia the Sleuth gets to work.
Erika L. S谩nchez鈥檚 blistering book, I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, lays out a real and raw world, one with some gems and some monsters, and with everyone in the middle just trying to figure out how to live.
There鈥檚 a lot of strong content here that some readers may find disturbing. S谩nchez is blunt about drug use, strong language, sexual content, depression/anxiety, violence, abuse, and suicide.
Julia鈥檚 many struggles are those of a hibiscus fighting to blossom in a garbage heap. This is a girl who feels everything deeply. She fights with all of her heart to make it out of her circumstances, but some days she feels like the heap will bury her alive.
鈥淚 want to go to school. I want to see the world,鈥� she cries. 鈥淚 want so many things sometimes I can鈥檛 even stand it. I feel like I鈥檓 going to explode.鈥�
Julia鈥檚 persona rockets off the page and into your face from the get-go. The blend of harsh, practical, ambitious, and lonely leaves behind an emotional wake like an oil spill. Julia鈥檚 heart is streaked with grime and yet iridescent.
She compares herself to Edna in 鈥淭he Awakening.鈥� She talks about Edward Hopper鈥檚 painting 鈥淣ighthawks.鈥� She writes poetry. She likens her mother鈥檚 behavior to that in Federico Garc铆a Lorca鈥檚 play 鈥淭he House of Bernarda Alba.鈥� Her favorite painting is Artemisia Gentileschi鈥檚 鈥淛udith Slaying Holofernes.鈥�
鈥淚 love art almost as much as I love books,鈥� she says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 hard to explain the way I feel when I see a beautiful painting. It鈥檚 a combination of scared, happy, excited, and sad all at once, like a soft light that glows in my chest and stomach for a few seconds.鈥� I had a similar feeling when I read an Emily Dickinson poem. I was too excited and threw my book across the room. It was so good that it made me angry. People would think I鈥檓 nuts if I try to explain it to them, so I don鈥檛.鈥�
With Olga鈥檚 death, her parents tighten the screws and dial up the pressure 鈥� but that dam won鈥檛 hold forever. When it breaks, the whole book changes.
After reading all of this, you may find yourself wondering why you should jump into the mind of a severely depressed antihero on a dark, violent, coming-of-age journey. The short answer is, it鈥檚 real life. 鈥淚 Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter鈥� is not a dystopian novel or a flight of revisionist fancy. All the grit comes from someone鈥檚 鈥� many people鈥檚 鈥� truth.
Watching Julia hit rock bottom and ask herself, 鈥淣ow what?鈥� is important because her story doesn鈥檛 end there. Like real people, Julia must then begin the brutal work of rebuilding herself and addressing the fundamental issues. There is no deus ex machina in real life. But there is always, always hope.
鈥淚 Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter鈥� is not a perfect novel. At times, it鈥檚 as messy and unlikable as its protagonist. But it鈥檚 also just as strong, just as defiant, just as beautiful, and just as worthy of your time and attention.
