'Top 10 Clues You're Clueless' echoes Nancy Drew, 'The Breakfast Club,' and Meg Cabot
Dear list-makers of the world: your new favorite book has arrived, and it is wonderful.
Liz Czukas鈥檚 new novel, Top Ten Clues You鈥檙e Clueless, is a sweet and bouncy story, freckled with lists and listicles (a la BuzzFeed and Upworthy). It won鈥檛 break your heart (like "Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock") or realign your mind (like "We Were Liars"); instead, it鈥檒l go down easy with a sweet aftertaste. Less like bran flakes or meatloaf, more like Starbursts 鈥� snappy, colorful, juicy, and zesty.
The last thing Chloe wants to do on Christmas Eve is go to work as a cashier at GoodFoods Market. At least her crush, Tyson, will be there as a bagger. If she can figure out how to flirt without babbling or blushing furiously, there鈥檚 a chance the manic shopping day will go smoothly.
(Sidenote: by sheer coincidence, I read this entire book directly after grocery shopping a week before Christmas. Nothing could have put me more in the mood!)
It turns out to be maybe the worst workday ever. When the store manager ceremoniously opens a charity donation box and finds it empty, he accuses the six teens on shift, including Chloe and Tyson, of stealing $10,000. They鈥檙e hustled into 鈥渨ork jail鈥� (break room lockdown) to wait for the police. It鈥檚 a low-fi case, so it takes hours for a police detail to show up.
While waiting, all six of them swear they鈥檙e innocent. So who accused them, and why? Chloe taps into her inner Nancy Drew and goes to work.
Let鈥檚 meet the suspects. There鈥檚 spiky-haired Sammi, a skateboarding chainsmoker with a bristly attitude. Quiet, self-contained Zaina, so beautiful that it鈥檚 actually off-putting. Our gal Chloe, clandestine diabetic and new girl in school, nervous babbler and voracious reader of mysteries.
Next there鈥檚 Tyson, funny, sweet, laser-focused on earning enough money to pay for college. Gabe, a sarcastic goofball who loves gossiping about customers. Micah, a guileless, home-schooled prodigy, straw-haired and wide-eyed like a young Anakin Skywalker.
They鈥檙e detained with no books or music (except the store PA blasting 鈥淔eliz Navidad鈥� for the 763rd time), afternoon lengthening into evening while their credibility hangs in the balance. To break the tension, they start to talk.
The ensuing peek into their psyches is dexterously unfolded. Czukas doesn鈥檛 pigeonhole anyone, and neither should we.
Each teen starts off assuming the others are one-note sambas, caricatures easily reduced to first impression and stereotype. But they all realize their mutual depth of complexity and their manifold hues of character and motivation. There鈥檚 some surprisingly frank talk about racism, sexism, harassment 鈥� they own up to their own assumptions about people and have to face the assumptions made about them in return.
鈥淭op Ten鈥� beautifully employs the screenwriting principle of 鈥渓ock or clock,鈥� something I studied in college. Writers can propel plot and character growth by confining characters to one location or pitting them against time limitations. In that constricted setting, people are forced to confront their own flaws and make tremendous developmental leaps in a short amount of time.
Once you think about it, 鈥渓ock or clock鈥� covers a broad swath of stories and scenes. There are easy examples like 鈥淧anic Room鈥� or 鈥�24,鈥� but try a little harder: you鈥檒l find the concept in 鈥淐inderella鈥� (midnight curfew, tick-tock), 鈥�Apollo 13鈥� (which uses both), and 鈥�How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days鈥� (it鈥檚 right there in the title, guys).
This book vibrates with momentum. Sometimes it鈥檚 a gallop, sometimes a suspended lull or hush, but the humming tension of time and place never lets up.
Czukas鈥檚 authorial voice is flush with wit and whimsy. She peppers the plot with hilarious eavesdrops into backroom goings-on, like games of Guess The Groceries or an ongoing competition for weirdest combination of items. (FYI, second place goes to diapers, a bottle of gin, cat litter, and three dozen eggs. I guarantee you cannot guess the winning combination.)
What mind comes up with these?? It makes me wish I鈥檇 been there for the brainstorming sessions!
Chloe鈥檚 many mental lists are alternately wry, neurotic, swoony, and introspective:
- 鈥淭op Ten Weirdest Clothing Items Seen on GoodFoods Customers.鈥�
- 鈥淭hings That Are Less Awkward Than Getting Caught Riding Through the Store in a Shopping Cart in Front of Your (Angry) Bosses.鈥�
- 鈥淭en Signs Your Blood Sugar is Getting Too Low, or Raise Your Hand if You Have All Ten of These Symptoms Right Now, Chloe, You Idiot.鈥�
Or, a personal favorite, 鈥淭op Ten Worst Mom Phrases,鈥� included in full for your sympathetic reading pleasure:
Top Ten Worst Mom Phrases
10. 鈥淵oung lady鈥︹��
9. Anything including your middle name.
8. 鈥淚 thought you were dead! Or worse!鈥�
7. 鈥淚 worry about you!鈥�
6. 鈥淵ou know, when I was your age鈥︹��
5. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e not going out like that, are you?鈥�
4. 鈥淟ook me in the eyes and tell me that again.鈥�
3. 鈥淚f all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?鈥�
2. 鈥淚鈥檓 not mad, I鈥檓 just disappointed.鈥�
1. 鈥淒o what you think is right. I鈥檓 sure you鈥檒l make the right choice.鈥�
鈥淭op Ten鈥� is a YA watercolor where you鈥檒l find splashes of Nancy Drew, 鈥�The Breakfast Club,鈥� Clue, and anything by Meg Cabot (whose 2002 book 鈥淎ll-American Girl鈥� also featured a semi-obsessive list-maker).
If you鈥檙e traveling or just looking for a breezy delight, pick this book up immediately 鈥� it鈥檚 the perfect length and pace for a trip, and the ending is clean, tight, and satisfying.
