No Biking in the House Without a Helmet
You just know that a book鈥檚 going to be good if you鈥檝e already guffawed and the type has started to blur (even though you鈥檙e trying not to get overly emotional) when you鈥檝e barely even finished the introduction. Welcome to two-time National Book Award finalist Melissa Fay Greene鈥檚 latest title, No Biking in the House Without a Helmet.
The premise, so understated, is mind-boggling: 鈥淭his book is one woman鈥檚 musings on the adventures of life with one man and many children.鈥� That one man is hubby Don Samuel, who preferred to put the children to bed practicing his closing arguments 鈥� as a criminal defense attorney, he spends his days with some of the seedier members of society 鈥� over reading the predictable 鈥淏erenstain Bears鈥� stories.
As for those 鈥渕any children,鈥� four are of the 鈥渉omemade鈥� variety (with birth years ranging from 1981 to 1992), while five more are 鈥渇oreign-born鈥� and arrived school-aged over the course of another decade, up to the arrival of the last two in 2007. You can do the math: It鈥檚 2011, which means that Greene and Samuel are entering their fourth decade of parenting.
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As the first four 鈥� Molly, Seth, Lee, and Lily 鈥� grew, as children inevitably do, Greene and Samuel, who so loved 鈥渢he cumbersome richness of life, with children underfoot,鈥� wanted nothing more than for the good times to continue. So, writes Greene, 鈥淲hen the clock started to run down on the home team, we brought in ringers. We figured out how to stay in the game.鈥�
At 42, Greene made her 鈥渇irst-ever appointment with a psychologist鈥� to help her decide whether to have another child. She concluded, without much input from the shrink who 鈥渨anted to talk about every sort of unrelated thing,鈥� that the final answer was no.
Then, when Greene was 45, a drugstore kit confirmed that she was pregnant. But she lost the pregnancy and was 鈥渙vercome with grief and remorse.鈥�
Eventually, at her hubby鈥檚 suggestion, she 鈥渢yped the word 鈥榓doption鈥� [into her computer] ... stopped grieving and leaned forward, beguiled.鈥�
Given her journalist鈥檚 background, Greene first pitched an article to The New Yorker about medical issues related to adoption; she 鈥渄id not conceal [her] personal interest in the story.鈥� That research led Greene to Bulgaria in 1999 where she found the Greene/Samuels鈥� fifth child, originally called 海角大神: 鈥渘ot the perfect moniker for a nice Jewish boy,鈥� the older kids humorously noted, and then renamed him Jesse. Jesse is ethnically Romany; the Romany are also known as Gypsies because (not unlike the way that native Americans came to be erroneously called 鈥淚ndians鈥�) the Romany were thought to have originated in Egypt when in fact they emigrated from northwest India a thousand years ago.
Jesse is 4. Greene solemnly realizes that he was born the year she miscarried.
Back in Atlanta as a family of seven, life would never be the same. Postadoption life proved to be challenging at best. 鈥淧ost-adoption panic鈥� set in, complete with language barriers, bed-wetting, raging tantrums, separation anxieties, and more. With the family in upheaval, Greene sank into 鈥減ost-adoption depression syndrome鈥� (something she鈥檇 never even heard of), convinced she had 鈥渨recked my dearest treasure, my family.鈥�
Miraculously, Greene recovers, her beloved family repairs, bonds, thrives ... and inevitably grows to include another four children, all Ethiopian by birth. Helen arrives in 2002, age 5-1/2. Fisseha, also known as Sol (his middle name, Solomon, shortened), is 10 when he joins the family in 2004. Birth-brothers Daniel and Yosef (鈥溾�橸ou delivered our first seven children; I鈥檒l deliver these two,鈥欌�� Samuel tells Greene when the family is finally given clearance to pick up the boys after almost a year delay) complete the family in 2007, ages 13 and 10.
The sprawling family journey is not without its pitfalls. The children fight 鈥� even come to blows 鈥� give each other the silent treatment, lie on occasion, break rules, and figure out how to download porn on their cellphones. The teenage boys also easily bypass Net Nanny, then get caught charging up the cable bill with XXX-rated movies.
In spite of everyday surprises, Greene somehow keeps her sanity ... long enough to write this unforgettable family adventure. Third child Lee, by the way, is quite possibly the story鈥檚 star.
Ready with the Band-Aid box in hand, Greene is a culturally sensitive, boldly humane, never-crushing antidote to this year鈥檚 Tiger Mother. With too many of today鈥檚 parents caught in the blinding fog of overachievement, 鈥淣o Biking鈥� is a revelatory must read. Join the Greene/Samuel melee, filled with water balloons, newborn gerbils, dead chickens, spicy foods, baseball stats, frequent-flyer miles, endless extended family ... and, most important, an unlimited supply of laughter and love.
Terry Hong writes a Smithsonian book blog at http://bookdragon.si.edu/.
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