A Rumpole Christmas
When it comes to Christmas, Horace Rumpole is just about as brimming with good cheer as Ebenezer Scrooge, pre-haunting.聽 鈥淚 have no rooted objection to Christmas Day, but I must say it鈥檚 an occasion when time tends to hang particularly heavy on the hands,鈥� the barrister muses in a slim new collection, A Rumpole Christmas. 鈥淔rom the early morning alarm call of carols piping on Radio Four to the closing headlines and a restless, liverish sleep, the day can seem as long as a fraud on the Post Office tried before Mr. Injustice Graves.鈥�
The gift exchange doesn鈥檛 take long 鈥� there鈥檚 the 鈥渞itual bottle鈥� of lavender water for Hilda (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed), and a tie for Rumpole 鈥� followed by pudding and a frozen turkey from Safeway. 鈥淚 suppose what I have against Christmas Day is that the courts are all shut and no one is being tried for anything,鈥� he sums up in the collection鈥檚 best story, 鈥淩umpole and the Old Familiar Faces.鈥�
While Rumpole may not be ready to haul out the holly, fans of the late Sir John Mortimer鈥檚 most famous character will leap upon any excuse to spend more time with the self-proclaimed 鈥�Old Bailey Hack.鈥� 鈥淎 Rumpole Christmas鈥� is a fine idea. We probably would have been delighted with 鈥淎 Rumpole Arbor Day鈥� or 鈥淩umpole Talks Like a Pirate Day.鈥� This is the first time these stories have been gathered in book form, but all have appeared previously in The Strand and other magazines.
A couple of the stories are little more than filler. But in addition to the highly enjoyable 鈥淥ld Familiar Faces,鈥� in which Rumpole visits one of Hilda鈥檚 old school chums in the frozen north and attends a pantomime, there鈥檚 鈥淩umpole鈥檚 Slimmed-Down Christmas.鈥� She Who Must Be Obeyed checks herself and Rumpole in to a health spa, where he experiences two unforgettable firsts: he drinks yak milk and is hugged by a solicitor. Of the yak milk, Rumpole says, 鈥淲e were told it is very popular with the mountain tribes of Tibet. It may have tasted fine there, but it didn鈥檛, as they say of some of the finest wines, travel well.鈥�
The collection ends on a less-joking note with 鈥淩umpole and the Christmas Break,鈥� where Rumpole finds himself defending a Muslim man accused of murdering a college professor to whom he had sent death threats. At the end of the day, Rumpole tells Hilda, at least they can be grateful for one thing. 鈥淭he terrorist got a fair trial.... The day when a suspected terrorist doesn鈥檛 get a fair trial will be the day they鈥檝e won the battle.鈥� It鈥檚 an ominous warning from Mortimer, who before he became an author, playwright, and screenwriter, was himself a barrister.
鈥淎 Rumpole Christmas鈥� isn鈥檛 the strongest of Mortimer鈥檚 collections, but it features enough classic elements to make fans of the stories and the long-running BBC series smile. There are Timsons aplenty (one of whom gets put away for receiving stolen Christmas puddings), appearances by Mrs. Justice Erskine-Brown and her opera-loving husband, and visits to Pommeroy鈥檚.
Rumpole even throws in a few quotes from Shakespeare and 鈥渢hat sad old darling鈥� Christina Rossetti, as well as musings on his much-loved and much-denigrated career. 鈥淚n the varied ups and downs, the thrills and spills in the life of an Old Bailey Hack, one thing stands as stone,鈥� he says in the opening lines of 鈥淥ld Familiar Faces.鈥� 鈥淵our ex-customers will never want to see you again.鈥�
The same, happily, cannot be said of his readers. Christmas shopping just got a little easier for the mystery lover in your life.
Yvonne Zipp regularly reviews fiction for the Monitor.
