"When We Were Romans"
Nine-year-old Lawrence, it must be said, is a bit of a mama鈥檚 boy. But since his dad has been lurking around their London neighborhood and telling lies to the neighbors, Hannah needs somebody on which to lean.
So 鈥淚 will help mum鈥� he vows. A trip, he thinks, is just the answer. They鈥檒l go away until his dad leaves town and it鈥檚 safe to go back to school.
After remembering how happy she was living in Rome right after college, Hannah decides that an Italian vacation is the solution to their family鈥檚 woes. (And besides, Italians understand about mamas and their boys.)
And so, Matthew Kneale鈥檚 When We Were Romans begins as Lawrence, his mom, 3-year-old Jemima, and Hermann the hamster pack up the Renault (or renno, as Lawrence spells it) and are off to live the 鈥� 鈥榙olchay veeter鈥� which mum said means having a lovely time.鈥�
Once in Rome, Lawrence enlightens readers with excerpts from his Horrible Histories (oh please, tell me that these marvelous books really exist) as the family crashes with Hannah鈥檚 old friends and she tries to find a job before their money runs out. (鈥淎 Room With a View,鈥� this isn鈥檛.)
Lawrence also picks up a bit of the language. 鈥淥n the bus going back mum started teaching us italian, she pointed at things out of the window and I learned 鈥榢eyazer鈥� which means 鈥榗hurch鈥� and 鈥榤akiner鈥� which means 鈥榗ar鈥� and 鈥榩izza鈥� which means 鈥榩izza鈥� so I thought 鈥榯his is quite easy, actually, perhaps I can learn italian after all.鈥�
Lawrence鈥檚 skewed recitals of history alone would be worth the price of a plane ticket to Rome.
鈥�Emperor Nero was quite fat, he had a beard and a really thick neck, so it was like his head was just stuck into his body like a tube,鈥� Lawrence explains. 鈥淲hen he became emperor he decided 鈥業 know what I want to do now, this is what I always really wanted, I will become a famous singer.鈥� 鈥�
(His take on Nero鈥檚 mother, Agrippina, is brilliant.)
While visiting the Pantheon, Lawrence decides the Emperor Caligula, who was a mite touchy about his receding hairline, would love the circular building, because nobody could climb high enough to see his bald head.
Sadly for historians everywhere, Lawrence never makes it inside the Coliseum 鈥� his mom was a little short of cash that day.
But just when it seems that they鈥檙e settling reasonably well into their adopted country (barring an illegal sublet, a precarious job, nd a few ruffled feathers from Hannah鈥檚 friends), Hannah tells Lawrence that his dad has found them again and she鈥檚 terrified to go outside.
The little family huddles inside the apartment, while Lawrence tries to think of a way to make everyone safe forever.
Judging by the copious amount of inventive misspellings, Whitbread Award-winner Kneale (鈥淓nglish Passengers鈥�) must have had a wonderful time writing 鈥淲hen We Were Romans鈥� 鈥� and probably fried the spell-checker on at least two computers. (At times, you almost need a decoder to figure out exactly what Lawrence is talking about.)
Lawrence is a narrator extraordinaire. He reminded me of two other precarious, precocious heroes, Roddy Doyle鈥檚 鈥淧addy Clarke Ha Ha Ha鈥� and Christopher from Mark Haddon鈥檚 鈥淭he Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time鈥� 鈥� although 鈥淲hen We Were Romans鈥� ultimately doesn鈥檛 quite deliver the same punch as those novels.
While Lawrence鈥檚 voice is delivered with the literary equivalent of perfect pitch, the storyline is marred by two flaws.
One is that, unlike Lawrence, readers guess far too early on the real terror chasing the family. The other is that the ending feels unbelievable and over-the-top.
As a result, 鈥淲hen We Were Romans鈥� lacks the narrative strength of such child-narrated classics as 鈥�To Kill a Mockingbird.鈥�
But if I were planning a trip to Italy, I鈥檇 take Lawrence as a tour guide any time.
Yvonne Zipp regularly reviews fiction for the Monitor.
